Sunday, June 22, 2008

Summer is Here and By the Way, Your Boob Thing is Messed Up

While Twittering this afternoon, I came across this little challenge on the Parent Bloggers Network all about sharing everyone's favorite summer pastime - shopping for a swimsuit. It's sponsored by BOCA, who are promoting their new balanced living group, which is all about, you guessed it, living a more balanced life!

So here goes....

There is no experience in the world quite like bathing suit shopping. While it is joyous for some,its quite painful for others.
(Maybe? It has to be joyous for someone, right? Somebody out there is trying on that neon palm tree string bikini and saying to themselves in the mirror 'Damn! This is exactly what I was looking for!' ).

With children in tow, however, shopping for swimsuits becomes a whole new ball game.

Like most moms, I rarely shop alone anymore, which also means I rarely happen upon a bathing suit that I-must-absolutely-try-on-right-this- very-second without a shopping cart full of defrosting frozen waffles, milk that's starting to warm, and two kids who are starting to get angry about having to wait just "another 10 minutes" to down that entire box of Scooby-Doo Go-Gurt. (I guess this also means I rarely shop anywhere other than stores that contain the word 'super' in them).

I could of course, always ignore that apparent suit of my dreams I've happened upon and just keep heading straight for the check-out line, saving my sanity and my money, but that would be just be silly. Nope, it certainly seems a heck of a lot more logical to park that soggy cart full of groceries right next to the to the cranky dressing room attendant and the pink and green panda themed underwear and drag two antsy kids into a 3 foot by 3 foot room and try on a bunch of stuff that's only guaranteed to put me in a worse mood. I've done it time and time again, and while I never learn my lesson, I also never fail.

Its like my kids are some sort of weird swimsuit good-luck charm or something. I've found my last three summer's worth of bathing-suit-all-stars with them in tow. I even found this year's winner while crammed into a dressing room with two coughing, sneezing, wipe-my-snot-on-the-chair 4 year olds AND talking on the phone the entire time. What can I say, the key to finding that perfect suit is distraction. If you have time to notice that maybe those tiger-striped boy shorts aren't exactly flattering your back side, well then you've just got too much time on your hands and not enough going on.

But if distraction is the key, then honesty must be the, uh, I don't know, the door you must unlock (its late, bear with me. and my metaphors)? Because the real reason I love shopping for suits with my kids is the commentary:

"Why does your tummy look like that?"
"Why do you have dark hair on your belly button?"
"Are my boobies going to get that big?" (keep in mind, i have two boys)
"Uh, mommy, that doesn't fit." (said while giggling uncontrollably after I tried on a top that was way too small with a bottom that was so big, it just fell off)
"Mommy, that looks pretty!" (after I tried on a halter suit that was so short waisted it severely altered my posture.)

and my all-time favorite, said after my son noticed the straps on the top were hopelessly twisted:

"Uh, mom, your boob thing is messed up"

Ah yes. Any mom will tell you there is nothing like having a child. And there is nothing like shopping for that perfect beach or pool-side attire with that child in tow. Especially when it's that child fault that you need more support then just some skimpy shoestring or have to purchase something that says slenderizing & tummy-minimizing on the tag.

*This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by BOCA*

3 comments:

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Hilarious!!! I knew there was a good reason I don't go bathing suit shopping! haha

Ashley said...

Bathing suit shopping is evil. Thanks for sharing!

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