Birthday

31 years ago today, my husband entered this world.

And oh, man. This world would never be the same again.
Even my life had already changed the moment he came along. I just didn't know it yet.

Mostly because I was still a fetus.

But the first moment I saw him 18 year later? I already knew him. That ridiculous guy making a fool of himself on stage? Yeah, that's definitely the one.

I feel blessed every morning that I roll over and he's still there. Even if he does stink a little.

Happy Birthday, babes.
This lady loves you.

A Mineral Moment

Getting ready the other day, this showed up in my foundation:



Can you believe that smirk its giving me? Do you even see it? Please tell me you see it.

It might has well have screamed "Oh, girl! After this is over, I'm gonna spread out all over your bathroom counter, and then when you try to wipe me up, I'll just smear, and then it'll look like your sink has skidmarks. So awesome! Oh, I'm also gonna do my best to make one of your cheeks look six times darker than the other while simultaneous not covering any of your zits, and then, maybe later, around 4:00 or so? You'll notice I've been hanging out on your pants leg all dang day, making you look way lame. You hate me, I know, but you can't quit me. Don't forget to recycle."

Hmph.

I wanted to put "Maybe it's Maybelline, or maybe I'm crazy" right here, but lets face it. That's not even funny. Not even remotely. Totally off the map. Like in the Bermuda Triangle.

No wonder even my own makeup is mocking me.

To My Two Gray Hairs...

Hi.

Nice to have you hair, uh, I mean here.

I thought your arrival would spawn a burning hate in my heart, but, eh. I have to admit, I kind of like you.

You're both spunky and wiry, and totally unruly. Who wouldn't want to spend all their time getting tangled up with you?

You don't show up every day, which is comforting and unnerving at the same time. How many of you are really hiding in there?

And just exactly how many friends have you invited to the party? Will they be showing up soon, or will these arrivals be staggered?

I need to know. I have to know how much punch to make. You know. Dark, shiny, permeating, permanent punch.

The two of you are on opposite sides of my head. Are you in cahoots? Or blissfully unaware of one another? I'd always kind of assumed you grew up together.

Is it possible you might be familiar with your next of kin? You know, that insanely large posse on my YOUNGER sister's head?

Oh, and was it me that brought you out, what with this whole 30th year of life deal?

Or was it my children? Always with the breaking and the tearing and the destroying, and the growing?

Hmmmm.

Somehow I get the feeling this is just the beginning, so maybe we should just get past all this 'getting to know you' business and just be friends already.

A little bonding, perhaps? Maybe a girls night? No painful plucking, I promise, but you do look like you could use a little makeover. Maybe some color on that pale little facade?

Think about it. Absorb it. Let me know.

Spell it out in the mirror or something. When you get long enough.

Just don't show up in my ear or on my chin, ok?

Your partner in condition,
Emily

P.S. In the mean time, would you mind telling everybody else up there to chill? Enough with the frizz already. There's a lot of you and you all want to be seen, I get it. Please, just wait your turn, you'll get your chance. The Great Tease is coming.


************

Everybody talks to their hair, right? RIGHT? Not just me?
If your hair would listen to you, just this once, what would you say?

I'm (totally) Claiming This Trend

Just a few short years ago I managed the small feat of birthing two children at one time.

Apparently I made it look so easy, everybody wants to do it.

First Julia, Elvis Costello, and McDreamy, and now J. Lo too?

Now if I could just manage to bring back tight-rolling and Eastlands.....

Beard Banter

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."
William Shakespeare

I never liked beards. And truthfully, I never really disliked them either.

Then my husband grew one.


And I fell in love. Sure, there might be days when it may look a little 'I just slept in a box on the street' but most of the time? Its totally hot. I had never really pictured him with facial hair, but now I can't really imagine him without it. In fact, once or twice a tear has come to my eye at the thought of losing that beard.

When I was in high school, I used to check out guys by looking at their shoes or the length of their hair. If you weren't wearing Converse or skate shoes or Doc Martens, and your hair wasn't approaching your shoulders, I probably wasn't giving you the time of day.

Now, 10 years later, its all about the beards. You know, like this one or these two, though maybe not yet these two. I'd even go for this mustache. I don't know what it is really, the hippy feel? The rockstar aura?

Whatever it is, its working.
And I like it.