One beautiful morning in April, a mother and her sons paid a visit to the dentist. It was time for all three of them to have a checkup.
It had been a long time since mommy had been to the dentist. Way too long. Embarrassingly long. The 'dentist is gonna laugh right in your face' long. 'Ohmygod you should just transfer everything from your bank to your dentist right flippin' now its that bad' long. Closing in on the 'it's almost been a decade' long....So lon----well, you get the picture.
And her sons? It hadn't been all that long since they'd last seen the dentist. A different dentist than they were seeing today. A different dentist who shall remain nameless and who may or may not be in a little town that starts with a Murf and ends with a Boro or who may or may not have extremely annoying jungle sounds on their website that DO NOT TURN OFF. A dentist who may or may not have claimed her sons needed hundreds of dollars of work done on their teeth. Their BABY teeth.
Mommy was scared to say the least. Mostly for her checkbook, and then of course, for her health. Oh and her kids health too.
Nervous as she was, she sucked it up and went on in. After all, the waiting room was quite tranquil, could it really be all that bad? How many root canals did it take to pay for this tile on the floor? Is that a fountain on the wall? Is that a massage chair she's sitting in? Is that a babbling brook she sees out the window???
Just as the mommy was about to drown in a sea of over-analyzing, out of the blue the sweetest little hygienist you ever did see fluttered in and scooped up one of the mommy's sons. She was so sweet in fact, the mommy's son actually looked pleased he was about to get his teeth cleaned. The mommy's son is 5. It was 7:30. The fact that he was even awake was a miracle, let alone be willing to have his teeth 'tickled' by a total stranger. His appointment came and went. He did not fuss, he did not pout. The mommy thought he might have even enjoyed it.
The dentist came by and gave his opinion. 'Great teeth!', he said. 'No cavities!', he said. The mommy almost fell out of her chair. 'No cavities?', she replied. 'You mean he doesn't need 500 dollars of work done in 2 weeks?' 'Nope.' the dentist said while mommy silently cursed the other dentist who shall remain nameless for claiming the opposite just a few months prior.
Next, the mommy's other son went for his checkup. With a smile on his face and smokin' sunglasses to boot. 'Who are these kids?' the mommy wondered. She was beginning to think they were actually starting to enjoy this whole dentist thing. "Great teeth!', the dentist said again! 'No cavities!' he said. The mommy thought she was gonna freak. Maybe all that nighttime 'brush your teeth' nagging was actually working?
Finally it was the mommy's turn. She got up in the chair. Then she made a lot of lame jokes about why she hadn't been to the dentist in so long. The hygienist was kind enough to fake a laugh, then she sandblasted the mommy's teeth with baking soda.
Just as the mommy thought she was going to start foaming at the mouth, the dentist stopped by.
'Beautiful teeth!', he said. [Take that, sons!, the mommy thought] and then came the clincher. The mommy winced a little in anticipation......
'No cavities!' he said.
'Hooray!' the mommy shouted, except it was more like 'Horragghhhhhhgurlglellle' since she still had that vacuum thingy stuck to her tongue. Then the mommy asked for some laughing gas in celebration. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, she was STOKED!
a helluva lot of halloween/christmas/valentines/president's day/easter candy between them.
And not one cavity?
The mommy decided she could live like this. She was definitely coming back to this dentist.
Right after she challenges her kids to a Who can finish this jawbreaker first? contest.