Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Good Morning. Here's my Wish List.

Like I said when I was talking mustaches, I've been teaching a lot lately.

This means a few things.

1. I have to get up early.

2. I have to get up really early

3. Very early is when I must get up.

My kids are also in school which also means some more things:

1. I have to get them up early.

2. Its really hard to get them up early.

3. Nobody likes getting up early.

And usually? We're going to the same school.

Which means even more things.

1. We have to be ready at the same time.

2. Let me say that again. WE ALL HAVE TO BE READY TO GO AT THE SAME TIME.

3. That same time we have to be ready by? It's 6:50 am.

To say achieving such a feat was easy would be amusing. About as amusing as me having my own comedy hour [that is assuming my own comedy hour would actually be funny. Which, hello! Of course it would be.].

It doesn't really matter that I'm going on my fourth month of doing this job, I still haven't gotten the morning routine down, and frequently find myself running out the door without something [probably my phone], or spilling something [like burning hot lava coffee], or yelling something [uh, no comment].

I like to pride myself on being a content person, but dangit to heck if there aren't just a few things I wouldn't mind having to make my mornings before school go smoother. You know like.....

1. A [clean & matching] sock dispenser.
I can never find a matching pair of socks. and its always the last thing I need, at the very last minute. It's so hard to find even just one sock. Let alone 4. Why did they have to make kid's feet so dang small?

2. An automatic lunch maker. Human or robot, whatever. I don't care. Just somebody, anybody, ANYTHING, make 3 lunches for me. And don't forget to draw a picture for two of them.....

3. A personal [and professional] dresser. I need someone whose entire job is to get my kids to get dressed. Quickly. And with a smile on their face. This person should also be prepared to do battle with at least one child at 6:42 exactly on will they or won't they agree to wear what was chosen for the day. Said person should also be aware that this requires quite a bit more preparation than they might think.

4. An alarm clock. Not just any old alarm clock. One that will manage to wake me in a delightful mood, and in plenty of time to do my hair. In fact, it should be able to just do my hair for me. NO TANGLES. Oh, and it needs to be able to carry my kids downstairs.They should also be in delightful moods. Perhaps the snooze button should just be set that my clock gets all aforementioned things in the list done for me, and then wakes me up. Yeah. That sounds good.

5. A Chauffeur. That 5 minute drive? It's killer. Somebody else should do it so I can just sit back and drink my coffee. Or at least frantically do my makeup. This same somebody should also make sure they NEVER go over 14 in the school zone, because if you're going 16, or 15.5, you're getting pulled over. For sure.

So there you go. Not a bad list. I mean, I don't think any of these are too much to ask. We all need a little help from our friends....


Dusty Brown said...

This is so, so true about trying to get kids out the door in the mornings. Luckily, I usually don't have to...but when I do I am a huge mess.

Angel said...

dear emily...right on...you couldn't have said it better:) the only thing you forgot was the joy of making that hot healthy breakfast! (yeah right, a cold bagel, dry cereal in a bag or god forbid, that sticky honey bun.) lol ~ my kids love the sticky stuff!!