The Mustache List.

Since December, I've been substitute teaching elementary school to supplement our income.

It's nothing short of awesome, really. You get all the fun benefits of being a teacher, but without quite as much work.
Plus, I get to work almost everyday where my kids go to school, and I can't say I can really complain about that.

There's something so rewarding about walking down a hallway and getting hugs and hellos from every other kid - even if some of them do stink, or have sticky fingers....

But the best part? Definitely the commentary. Oh, the commentary.

I'm sure you've heard me discuss my moustache before right? Thanks to a bit of a, uh, hairy heritage, I've spent a lot of my life bleaching, waxing, and plucking. I'm so used to it, its pretty much part of my beauty routine, and I tend to forget about it.

However, when I had children, I didn't have to forget about it. Because they remembered for me....

"Mommy....you're growing a mustache!"

"Mommy, I can see your mustache, you need to put that white stuff on it..."

"Why do have a mustache like Daddy?"

Its quite amusing really, trying to explain why mommy has a mustache without making my children think their mother used to be a carnie. At an earlier point in my life, all this talk would have made me a little self-conscious, but now, I just think its kinda funny. Plus it always sets up the perfect "Everybody is made different" conversation, so score one for the moms on that.

Of course, just when I thought we'd probably had all the mustache conversations we could muster, I started teaching. Because obviously, I felt the need to discuss it with more children.

And I do.

Not a day goes by where at least one kid doesn't mention it. Right in the middle of a lesson. And keep in mind these are all 4, 5, 6 and 7 years olds I'm working with here. They're honest. Brutally honest.

Really, I could fill this whole blog with some of the comments I've heard, but that would get old [and hairy?]. Quick. Instead you're getting the top five, which are the cream of the crop anyway, the only ones you really need to hear. So here goes:

5. "You know, you have something right here [rubs a snotty finger on my upper lip]."

4. "You have black eyebrows and a blond mustache?"

3. Ok, well this ones more about my eyebrows actually... "Next time you get your nails done, you should have them shave your eyebrows too."

2. And maybe this one is kind of indirect - it was said to another teacher, but its hilarious, so whatever it deserves this spot on the list- "Fernando says Mrs. Hartley is a freak!"

and last but not least, my ultimate favorite, from one of my favorite preschoolers, said with much concern...

1. "WHAT have you been using under your nose???"

You've got to give it up for these kids. They're creative. And sincere. And I don't think I could find a better job. Unless you want to meet me by the water cooler at 3 to discuss your favorite Nair product....

FAV: Hey. Cowbell.

A lot of people think of Blue Oyster Cult or maybe Lynyrd Skynyrd or Swizerland when they hear cowbell.

I think of this:



Now you go....what do think of when you hear the cowbell? Dairy? Or is the Reaper?

Anyone?

FAV: Road Trippin'

WOOOOOOOOO! It's Spring Break '09 y'all! And the Hartley's are roadtrippin'. The Mr. just got back from SXSW, and the boys and I? We're all over the place. Alabama, Ohio, North, South, you name it - we're there. And we're wearing matching airbrushed t-shirts.

So with all this traveling going on, we've got a new favorite road trip song. While driving last night we sang this song for an hour and a half straight. And it was aaawwwweeeessssoooommmee. You should really take a few minutes to learn it yourself. Trust me. You won't be sorry.....

FAV: Feeling Steely

I kinda felt bad for calling out my husband last week with 'The Reflex' and all. I mean, I didn't realize he'd end up being the ONLY person that didn't remember that song. So to make up for it, I'm putting myself on the line. I'm going to admit something that will tarnish me forever and probably make a few people throw up in their mouth.

I LIKE STEELY DAN.

I know. It's horrific. But It's the truth. I like them, and I like them a lot.

I have since I was a kid. Even without Chevy as their drummer. "Ricki, Don't Lose That Number" always takes me back to that brown shag carpet we had in the old apartment where my favorite toy was a spool of thread named "Fitty-Fitty". And "Peg " and "Josie"? They always feel just like old friends.

I could claim I eventually grew out of them, but I'd be lying. I never did. I'm sure this will make perfect sense to you once you see this video.

FAV: The Reflex

Aaron and I were coming back from signing our taxes and treating ourselves to doughnuts this morning [very romantic stuff, we even stopped by the library and returned books, SWOON!] when this song came on his XM. I informed him that I thought he needed to put this song on one of his DJ playlists to which he replied "I don't know what this is."

"Just wait for the chorus." I said. The chorus came and went and came and went again. Still didn't ring a bell.

I was shocked. I almost choked on my coconut doughnut. I mean yes, we were only 6 when this song came out [1984] but I do still remember watching this video and wishing someday I'd have a boyfriend with awesome Duran Duran hair. Aaron says he must have been too busy listening to Mousercise at the time.

And in his defense, that was a really good album.

So, how about you - do you remember "The Reflex"?

Oh Yeah That Lent Thing.

I was positive it was still Ash Wednesday. Turns out its already positively the Wednesday after Ash Wednesday. Seriously. When did that happen? Where did that week go and since when did they make February so flippin' close to March? I was so positive this year had only just begun, yet a third of it is practically gone already.

See? I'm doing awesome with my Lent project. I'm obviously staying positive. I mean, I used the word at least three times in the last paragraph. That's good. That's real change.

But seriously, dear[s?]. I have been working on it. And working hard. What have I learned so far? Turns out its not as much about just staying positive - for me- as it s planning ahead, or um, LETTING IT GO.

Sometimes its those little things that I just. can't. let. go. that I sit on, or let build up, that fuel my most negative moments.

So what if the dogs just got into the house for the 6th time today? Its not so much fail as it is just a little fart. Neither me, nor them, or us, will die because this just happened.

Who cares if my children are on their third pair of pants within a span of 10 minutes? At least they're clothed - isn't that good enough?

Or what about the fact that we had pizza for dinner tonight and Mickey D's last night? Wait. I don't really see anything wrong with that statement.

What do I always say to my kids? You get what you get, don't throw a fit. Maybe I should just apply that little nugget to myself. After all, I am a little old for stomping my feet and screaming when things don't go my way, just by a few years at least.....

F.A.V: Dear Bret

I knew I should have stuck with my crush on Rikki Rockett instead.
But how was I supposed to know you were going to throw it all back in my face with your 'Rock of Love'?

It's not fair that every time I hear "Nothing But A Good Time" these days I want to vom. It's feelings of nostalgia I want when you come on the radio. Not nausea.

I should of quit you that time you canceled your tour date with Slaughter in Cincinnati in 1991 because Bobby Dall broke his hand. Obviously the universe was trying to tell me something. It knew what was coming. But no. I stuck with you. I had the audacity to see you twice in concert after the year 2000. And I'm telling you - If you hadn't brought Cinderella out BOTH times, I probably wouldn't even admit that anymore.

You know - I'm ok with the fact that you might really want a solo career, or that maybe you're just trying to put your babies through school.I might even go as far as to say I'm ok with the fact that you can't seem to come to terms with what aging has done to your hair. But c'mon now! I'm pretty sure I could have the gone the rest of my life just fine without ever knowing anything about Daisy or Heather or that Megan. Or all those Brandis. Or anybody on that bus for that matter. Blech.

All I gotta say is that why'd you have to go tarnish my youth? Couldn't you have just stayed classy like Def Leppard did?

Geez, Bret. I thought you were something to believe in. Thanks for being the thorn in my rose.

Love [Tom Keifer more than you],
Emily