emily the mom

I'm moving

2009-08-04T13:51:00.001-05:00

I have a confession.

I haven't been blogging very much lately. Was it obvious?

Starting at the beginning of this year, some changes blew through this household, some job-related, some school-related, and a few changes just might of traipsed on in here on four legs.

Much to my dismay, I just haven't had near the time I used to to spend hanging out over here. And as a result, I've outgrown this space, or maybe its outgrown me. However. I'm not quitting. I'm just um, downsizing.

Don't call it micro-blogging. Still call it me, just with less, uh, words.

From now on, emilythemom will be coming to you LIVE and IN PERSON [??] from a different direction:

http://emilythemom.tumblr.com/

Please say you'll come visit? And bring cookies?

Cool. See you there.

F.A.V. This Ones for the Beards.

2009-07-24T11:12:00.002-05:00

Dear Beards,

I love you.

Love, me.

a marriage in pictures....

2009-07-06T09:39:00.017-05:00

seven years ago today:

six years ago today:

2 months later:

4 years ago today...well...give or take a few days:

at the end of 2006:

and the beginning of 2007:

a long time before all of this:

this time last year:

this time last month:

my face when i got the seven year itch last week:

and saturday, handsomely surrounded by firework smoke:

happy anniversary, mr. hartley. here's to us. and at least sixty more years of pictures.

L O V E Y O U.

happy day, fathers.

2009-06-21T12:17:00.003-05:00

Some people hit the jackpot and win a lot of money.

Me?

I won this:

happy fathers day to this guy.

Way Too Early on Saturday Morning Video?

2009-06-13T01:08:00.006-05:00

I've been at my mother-in-law's house all week, and I've watched nothing but VH1 Classic.

My husband has always had this theory that cable should be sold by the channel. If that were so, this would be the channel I'd buy. Well, and maybe Boomerang too. [ I watched Snorks, so should my kids, damnit!]

And it just so happens that this week, was maybe the most perfect week ever to stumble upon the 'ol classic. Each night they've showcased a different Rock N' Roll Picture Show.

I started watching on Tuesday -which was The Last Waltz. I love this movie. Very few places will you find Neil Diamond on the same stage with Van Morrison, Eric Clapton, Bob Dylan, and of course The Band. Nothing beats Van's performance of Caravan in this movie either, he can barely stand, yet his performance is awesome. I mean, how do you do that? I certainly don't know. Pretty sure I'd fall right of the stage.

Wednesday was Woodstock. I've probably seen this movie 50 times, but it never gets old. Even though its well, old.

Thursday was Ziggy Stardust, which kinda looks like I shot it myself, but with less irritation. I'm not sure David Bowie with a mullet and wearing a tiny jumpsuit could ever NOT be entertaining. Oh, and the music is awesome too. Though I must be truthful here. Fuse was showing a Bruce Springsteen concert at the exact same time. I may or may not have watched most of that instead.

But Friday. Oh Friday. Like a tasty little cupcake I've been hiding from my kids all week, Friday was The Song Remains the Same.
They could be performing the phonebook and this movie would still be fantastic. I mean as long as you keep the camera on Robert and you fast forward through that scary part where Jimmy Page ages backwards & forwards.

I couldn't have asked for a better week, being lulled into sleep by some of the greatest musical performances of all time. You know, I could have gotten a lot done while I was here. But l didn't. And if I had - i mean c'mon. look at what I would have missed. I'd be so much less of a person right now if I'd just done laundry instead.

So on that note, I'll leave you with two of my favorite Bob Dylan songs from the Last Waltz. Pretty sure he's the real one responsible for that fedora trend.

p.s. You know what The Classic is playing right now? Livin on a Prayer. Obviously, this week was meant to be. For me.

p.p.s this is my 200th blog post. Cheers.

FAV...returns. again.

2009-05-22T12:37:00.005-05:00

Its a well know fact that the Hartleys have a bit of trouble making it to church. It's a tough thing for us honestly, we are always conveniently out of town on Sundays.

I have, however, come up with a solution.

I'm starting my own church.

It's gonna be the Church of Joe.

Strummer that is.

We meet on Thursdays.

Baptisms are by fire.

See you there. Punk.

FAV...returns?

2009-05-01T18:46:00.004-05:00

I've been this complicated combination of busy and lazy lately and who's caught the brunt of it?

Well, if you asked my house, it would probably try and raise two hands. But it doesn't have hands. Only a garage and a deck. So that answer doesn't count.

And if you ask me, it's poor little Friday Afternoon Videos that's caught the brunt. By the time I remember? Every Friday night?

I'm already asleep. Probably dreaming about being Phil Collins. In a suit. Wearing a yellow tie. And riding in a helicopter. Yup. Definitely riding in a helicopter.

Tickling the Ivories

2009-04-30T12:43:00.004-05:00

I've been driving my husband crazy....um, lately [or always?] every time a Bruce Springsteen song comes on with an obvious piano accompaniment [which is uh, pretty much every Springsteen song?].

I'll suddenly get a weird look in my eye and a tingle in my fingers and I'll turn up the volume and declare confidently that 'I'm TOTALLY gonna learn how to play this on the piano!" In fact, I've done it so much recently, that he started answering with "You say that every song. Make up your mind.".

Poor guy. I know it's tough living with me. And lucky for him, I know just the cure.

Piano lessons.

Now, I've had piano lessons before. And yes, I did hate them. But this time it's different.

I swear.

Would you or would you not be totally entertained if you came over to my house and there I was, in some sort of horrific get-up I haven't even thought of yet, taking up the entire living room with a ridiculously large piano, serenading you with Springsteen's "She's The One" or maybe The Beatles' "Martha, My Dear" or making you cry with Journey's "Faithfully"? Or better yet - what if I went all Yes on you with like 25 synthesizers?

Maybe I'm blind but I just don't see how that could NOT be awesome.

Think of the parties! The melodies! The spiritual transformations!

I'm sure I could get my kids to play along. After all, they're short enough that they can still stand on top of a piano.

I can just see it now. "Mom Goes On Tour, Kills On The Keys, Has Horrible Pipes, Makes Own Children Sing for Her"

Yeah. It's gonna be great.

Birthday

2009-04-19T09:02:00.004-05:00

31 years ago today, my husband entered this world.

And oh, man. This world would never be the same again.
Even my life had already changed the moment he came along. I just didn't know it yet.

Mostly because I was still a fetus.

But the first moment I saw him 18 year later? I already knew him. That ridiculous guy making a fool of himself on stage? Yeah, that's definitely the one.

I feel blessed every morning that I roll over and he's still there. Even if he does stink a little.

Happy Birthday, babes.
This lady loves you.

A Tale of Two [or more] Teeth

2009-04-16T21:12:00.006-05:00

One beautiful morning in April, a mother and her sons paid a visit to the dentist. It was time for all three of them to have a checkup.

It had been a long time since mommy had been to the dentist. Way too long. Embarrassingly long. The 'dentist is gonna laugh right in your face' long. 'Ohmygod you should just transfer everything from your bank to your dentist right flippin' now its that bad' long. Closing in on the 'it's almost been a decade' long....So lon----well, you get the picture.

And her sons? It hadn't been all that long since they'd last seen the dentist. A different dentist than they were seeing today. A different dentist who shall remain nameless and who may or may not be in a little town that starts with a Murf and ends with a Boro or who may or may not have extremely annoying jungle sounds on their website that DO NOT TURN OFF. A dentist who may or may not have claimed her sons needed hundreds of dollars of work done on their teeth. Their BABY teeth.

Mommy was scared to say the least. Mostly for her checkbook, and then of course, for her health. Oh and her kids health too.

Nervous as she was, she sucked it up and went on in. After all, the waiting room was quite tranquil, could it really be all that bad? How many root canals did it take to pay for this tile on the floor? Is that a fountain on the wall? Is that a massage chair she's sitting in? Is that a babbling brook she sees out the window???

Just as the mommy was about to drown in a sea of over-analyzing, out of the blue the sweetest little hygienist you ever did see fluttered in and scooped up one of the mommy's sons. She was so sweet in fact, the mommy's son actually looked pleased he was about to get his teeth cleaned. The mommy's son is 5. It was 7:30. The fact that he was even awake was a miracle, let alone be willing to have his teeth 'tickled' by a total stranger. His appointment came and went. He did not fuss, he did not pout. The mommy thought he might have even enjoyed it.

The dentist came by and gave his opinion. 'Great teeth!', he said. 'No cavities!', he said. The mommy almost fell out of her chair. 'No cavities?', she replied. 'You mean he doesn't need 500 dollars of work done in 2 weeks?' 'Nope.' the dentist said while mommy silently cursed the other dentist who shall remain nameless for claiming the opposite just a few months prior.

Next, the mommy's other son went for his checkup. With a smile on his face and smokin' sunglasses to boot. 'Who are these kids?' the mommy wondered. She was beginning to think they were actually starting to enjoy this whole dentist thing. "Great teeth!', the dentist said again! 'No cavities!' he said. The mommy thought she was gonna freak. Maybe all that nighttime 'brush your teeth' nagging was actually working?

Finally it was the mommy's turn. She got up in the chair. Then she made a lot of lame jokes about why she hadn't been to the dentist in so long. The hygienist was kind enough to fake a laugh, then she sandblasted the mommy's teeth with baking soda.
Just as the mommy thought she was going to start foaming at the mouth, the dentist stopped by.

'Beautiful teeth!', he said. [Take that, sons!, the mommy thought] and then came the clincher. The mommy winced a little in anticipation......

'No cavities!' he said.

'Hooray!' the mommy shouted, except it was more like 'Horragghhhhhhgurlglellle' since she still had that vacuum thingy stuck to her tongue. Then the mommy asked for some laughing gas in celebration. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, she was STOKED!

3 people.
68 teeth.
a helluva lot of halloween/christmas/valentines/president's day/easter candy between them.

And not one cavity?

The mommy decided she could live like this. She was definitely coming back to this dentist.

Right after she challenges her kids to a Who can finish this jawbreaker first? contest.

Good Morning. Here's my Wish List.

2009-04-07T21:42:00.009-05:00

Like I said when I was talking mustaches, I've been teaching a lot lately.

This means a few things.

1. I have to get up early.

2. I have to get up really early

3. Very early is when I must get up.

My kids are also in school which also means some more things:

1. I have to get them up early.

2. Its really hard to get them up early.

3. Nobody likes getting up early.

And usually? We're going to the same school.

Which means even more things.

1. We have to be ready at the same time.

2. Let me say that again. WE ALL HAVE TO BE READY TO GO AT THE SAME TIME.

3. That same time we have to be ready by? It's 6:50 am.

To say achieving such a feat was easy would be amusing. About as amusing as me having my own comedy hour [that is assuming my own comedy hour would actually be funny. Which, hello! Of course it would be.].

It doesn't really matter that I'm going on my fourth month of doing this job, I still haven't gotten the morning routine down, and frequently find myself running out the door without something [probably my phone], or spilling something [like burning hot lava coffee], or yelling something [uh, no comment].

I like to pride myself on being a content person, but dangit to heck if there aren't just a few things I wouldn't mind having to make my mornings before school go smoother. You know like.....

1. A [clean & matching] sock dispenser.
I can never find a matching pair of socks. and its always the last thing I need, at the very last minute. It's so hard to find even just one sock. Let alone 4. Why did they have to make kid's feet so dang small?

2. An automatic lunch maker. Human or robot, whatever. I don't care. Just somebody, anybody, ANYTHING, make 3 lunches for me. And don't forget to draw a picture for two of them.....

3. A personal [and professional] dresser. I need someone whose entire job is to get my kids to get dressed. Quickly. And with a smile on their face. This person should also be prepared to do battle with at least one child at 6:42 exactly on will they or won't they agree to wear what was chosen for the day. Said person should also be aware that this requires quite a bit more preparation than they might think.

4. An alarm clock. Not just any old alarm clock. One that will manage to wake me in a delightful mood, and in plenty of time to do my hair. In fact, it should be able to just do my hair for me. NO TANGLES. Oh, and it needs to be able to carry my kids downstairs.They should also be in delightful moods. Perhaps the snooze button should just be set that my clock gets all aforementioned things in the list done for me, and then wakes me up. Yeah. That sounds good.

5. A Chauffeur. That 5 minute drive? It's killer. Somebody else should do it so I can just sit back and drink my coffee. Or at least frantically do my makeup. This same somebody should also make sure they NEVER go over 14 in the school zone, because if you're going 16, or 15.5, you're getting pulled over. For sure.

So there you go. Not a bad list. I mean, I don't think any of these are too much to ask. We all need a little help from our friends....

The Mustache List.

2009-03-31T22:48:00.008-05:00

Since December, I've been substitute teaching elementary school to supplement our income.

It's nothing short of awesome, really. You get all the fun benefits of being a teacher, but without quite as much work.
Plus, I get to work almost everyday where my kids go to school, and I can't say I can really complain about that.

There's something so rewarding about walking down a hallway and getting hugs and hellos from every other kid - even if some of them do stink, or have sticky fingers....

But the best part? Definitely the commentary. Oh, the commentary.

I'm sure you've heard me discuss my moustache before right? Thanks to a bit of a, uh, hairy heritage, I've spent a lot of my life bleaching, waxing, and plucking. I'm so used to it, its pretty much part of my beauty routine, and I tend to forget about it.

However, when I had children, I didn't have to forget about it. Because they remembered for me....

"Mommy....you're growing a mustache!"

"Mommy, I can see your mustache, you need to put that white stuff on it..."

"Why do have a mustache like Daddy?"

Its quite amusing really, trying to explain why mommy has a mustache without making my children think their mother used to be a carnie. At an earlier point in my life, all this talk would have made me a little self-conscious, but now, I just think its kinda funny. Plus it always sets up the perfect "Everybody is made different" conversation, so score one for the moms on that.

Of course, just when I thought we'd probably had all the mustache conversations we could muster, I started teaching. Because obviously, I felt the need to discuss it with more children.

And I do.

Not a day goes by where at least one kid doesn't mention it. Right in the middle of a lesson. And keep in mind these are all 4, 5, 6 and 7 years olds I'm working with here. They're honest. Brutally honest.

Really, I could fill this whole blog with some of the comments I've heard, but that would get old [and hairy?]. Quick. Instead you're getting the top five, which are the cream of the crop anyway, the only ones you really need to hear. So here goes:

5. "You know, you have something right here [rubs a snotty finger on my upper lip]."

4. "You have black eyebrows and a blond mustache?"

3. Ok, well this ones more about my eyebrows actually... "Next time you get your nails done, you should have them shave your eyebrows too."

2. And maybe this one is kind of indirect - it was said to another teacher, but its hilarious, so whatever it deserves this spot on the list- "Fernando says Mrs. Hartley is a freak!"

and last but not least, my ultimate favorite, from one of my favorite preschoolers, said with much concern...

1. "WHAT have you been using under your nose???"

You've got to give it up for these kids. They're creative. And sincere. And I don't think I could find a better job. Unless you want to meet me by the water cooler at 3 to discuss your favorite Nair product....

FAV: Hey. Cowbell.

2009-03-29T22:05:00.004-05:00

A lot of people think of Blue Oyster Cult or maybe Lynyrd Skynyrd or Swizerland when they hear cowbell.

I think of this:

Now you go....what do think of when you hear the cowbell? Dairy? Or is the Reaper?

Anyone?

FAV: Road Trippin'

2009-03-22T11:30:00.004-05:00

WOOOOOOOOO! It's Spring Break '09 y'all! And the Hartley's are roadtrippin'. The Mr. just got back from SXSW, and the boys and I? We're all over the place. Alabama, Ohio, North, South, you name it - we're there. And we're wearing matching airbrushed t-shirts.

So with all this traveling going on, we've got a new favorite road trip song. While driving last night we sang this song for an hour and a half straight. And it was aaawwwweeeessssoooommmee. You should really take a few minutes to learn it yourself. Trust me. You won't be sorry.....

FAV: Feeling Steely

2009-03-13T22:24:00.004-05:00

I kinda felt bad for calling out my husband last week with 'The Reflex' and all. I mean, I didn't realize he'd end up being the ONLY person that didn't remember that song. So to make up for it, I'm putting myself on the line. I'm going to admit something that will tarnish me forever and probably make a few people throw up in their mouth.

I LIKE STEELY DAN.

I know. It's horrific. But It's the truth. I like them, and I like them a lot.

I have since I was a kid. Even without Chevy as their drummer. "Ricki, Don't Lose That Number" always takes me back to that brown shag carpet we had in the old apartment where my favorite toy was a spool of thread named "Fitty-Fitty". And "Peg " and "Josie"? They always feel just like old friends.

I could claim I eventually grew out of them, but I'd be lying. I never did. I'm sure this will make perfect sense to you once you see this video.

FAV: The Reflex

2009-03-06T09:13:00.003-06:00

Aaron and I were coming back from signing our taxes and treating ourselves to doughnuts this morning [very romantic stuff, we even stopped by the library and returned books, SWOON!] when this song came on his XM. I informed him that I thought he needed to put this song on one of his DJ playlists to which he replied "I don't know what this is."

"Just wait for the chorus." I said. The chorus came and went and came and went again. Still didn't ring a bell.

I was shocked. I almost choked on my coconut doughnut. I mean yes, we were only 6 when this song came out [1984] but I do still remember watching this video and wishing someday I'd have a boyfriend with awesome Duran Duran hair. Aaron says he must have been too busy listening to Mousercise at the time.

And in his defense, that was a really good album.

So, how about you - do you remember "The Reflex"?

Oh Yeah That Lent Thing.

2009-03-04T21:19:00.003-06:00

I was positive it was still Ash Wednesday. Turns out its already positively the Wednesday after Ash Wednesday. Seriously. When did that happen? Where did that week go and since when did they make February so flippin' close to March? I was so positive this year had only just begun, yet a third of it is practically gone already.

See? I'm doing awesome with my Lent project. I'm obviously staying positive. I mean, I used the word at least three times in the last paragraph. That's good. That's real change.

But seriously, dear[s?]. I have been working on it. And working hard. What have I learned so far? Turns out its not as much about just staying positive - for me- as it s planning ahead, or um, LETTING IT GO.

Sometimes its those little things that I just. can't. let. go. that I sit on, or let build up, that fuel my most negative moments.

So what if the dogs just got into the house for the 6th time today? Its not so much fail as it is just a little fart. Neither me, nor them, or us, will die because this just happened.

Who cares if my children are on their third pair of pants within a span of 10 minutes? At least they're clothed - isn't that good enough?

Or what about the fact that we had pizza for dinner tonight and Mickey D's last night? Wait. I don't really see anything wrong with that statement.

What do I always say to my kids? You get what you get, don't throw a fit. Maybe I should just apply that little nugget to myself. After all, I am a little old for stomping my feet and screaming when things don't go my way, just by a few years at least.....

F.A.V: Dear Bret

2009-03-01T21:36:00.006-06:00

I knew I should have stuck with my crush on Rikki Rockett instead.
But how was I supposed to know you were going to throw it all back in my face with your 'Rock of Love'?

It's not fair that every time I hear "Nothing But A Good Time" these days I want to vom. It's feelings of nostalgia I want when you come on the radio. Not nausea.

I should of quit you that time you canceled your tour date with Slaughter in Cincinnati in 1991 because Bobby Dall broke his hand. Obviously the universe was trying to tell me something. It knew what was coming. But no. I stuck with you. I had the audacity to see you twice in concert after the year 2000. And I'm telling you - If you hadn't brought Cinderella out BOTH times, I probably wouldn't even admit that anymore.

You know - I'm ok with the fact that you might really want a solo career, or that maybe you're just trying to put your babies through school.I might even go as far as to say I'm ok with the fact that you can't seem to come to terms with what aging has done to your hair. But c'mon now! I'm pretty sure I could have the gone the rest of my life just fine without ever knowing anything about Daisy or Heather or that Megan. Or all those Brandis. Or anybody on that bus for that matter. Blech.

All I gotta say is that why'd you have to go tarnish my youth? Couldn't you have just stayed classy like Def Leppard did?

Geez, Bret. I thought you were something to believe in. Thanks for being the thorn in my rose.

Love [Tom Keifer more than you],
Emily

Givin' It Up for Lent. Yo.

2009-02-25T22:11:00.007-06:00

Its the first official day of Lent and I'm really going all out this year if you didn't already notice. I mean. I'm pretty sure I managed to consume my body weight in sugar yesterday. It's safe to say I fufilled my Fat Tuesday duites with flying colors. Thank you IHOP. And Pillsbury. And whoever makes sprinkles.

I'm trying to get the kids in on the fun too. I tried to explain the whole idea of Ash Wednesday to them, and the results were priceless. They couldn't get past the ash part and to them ash=fire and fire=cool. So in short, Ash Wednesday is their new favorite holiday.

I grew up Catholic and while I don't always agree with some of their practices, I still love all the tradition and history and imagery that is Catholicism. Ah, such warm memories I have of many Ash Wednesdays past. Like sitting in class after mass in grade school trying to figure out whose ash smudge looked like what. Or how about that dreaded feeling of only getting to choose between eating fish or pizza on fridays until Easter? My sisters and I still laugh about writing on a rock in church every. single. year. that we'd try to be a little nicer to each other.

So in honor of my obviously rich and reverent childhood, I'm gonna give it up for Lent this year. I mean, I bringing Lent back. I'm totally gonna go all serious on Lent's you know what. Um.....yeah.

What I'm really trying to say is that I want to make decent effort this year to maybe make a real change. And I'm gonna use this blog to hold me accountable. It's either going to be awesome, amusing, entertaining, and educational, or I'm going to bore the heck out of you for forty days. And forty nights. Depending on when [or if] you regularly read this.

What I'm going to try and give up you ask?

Negativity.

I've got a nasty negative mindset I'd like to shake. I wouldn't say I'm pessimisitic, but I definitely have a bad habit of thinking the worst is going to happen before I buck up and realize the best might actually be what's right around the corner. I'd like for things the be the other way around. I'd like to think that might change my attitude for the better.

The hardest part about actively trying to make a change is taking the time to work on it everyday. Which is why I'm choosing to air it all out here. You know it's going to be fun. Just you wait. You'll laugh when you find out how angry I get when I stub my toe.

So here goes nothing. I even made a sign.

Yeah, I know. It's AWESOME.
[See? More positive already.]

Bringing the Fat in Fat Tuesday. Really.

2009-02-24T21:23:00.009-06:00

You know what I did today? Practically spent the whole day at IHOP.

Because hello! It's also National Pancake Day.

A normal person probably would have gone once. Or maybe just gotten some pancakes to go.

But me?

I went twice. Once for brunch and once for supper. Once with out kids, once with. Once with hashbrowns, once with fake granola.

I managed to scarf down at least 6 pancakes, 4 glasses of water with 2 lemons, a side of hashbrowns and a few crumbs they were trying to pass off as granola. Because when Cash hears that it's Pancake Day, he orders granola & yogurt.

And as if that weren't enough sugar to make your teeth just roll right out of your mouth.....we went home and made a king cake.

I think we've got our bases covered as far as holidays that fall on Tuesday, February 24th, 2009 go. Just call us festive.

And if I were you I'd make sure i hung around Hayden for the rest of the year. He's gonna have some good luck. Hope that means he remembers to save enough quarters to buy the King Cake next year.

By the way, I'm going all out for lent this year. I might even blog it. What am I giving up? You're just gonna have to wait until tomorrow.

FAV: what the heck

2009-02-23T21:10:00.003-06:00

So what if its already Monday.

My kids sing this one. A lot. Yeah, I know, they sing everything. But who would have ever thought they'd fall in love with Dino?

Comcast, You've Been Dumped.

2009-02-17T12:29:00.009-06:00

Well sorta. I did keep the internet. Because its so, you know, useful.

I downgraded our cable today [ or yesterday for that matter, by the time I got this posted]. That sounds so pretty doesn't it? Downgrading! It was totally romantic.

I'm weirdly excited about it, actually. Just think of the possibilities without Johnny Test and Ben Tennyson to slow me down? Seriously. I'm ok with it. As long as I don't focus too long on how much I'm gonna miss Mike Rowe.

Apparently, the downsize was perfect timing. On the way to school this morning Cash said to me "Mom, it's not fun when we come home from school."

What? It's not fun? No mom wants to hear she's no fun! I'll admit, at first I took this statement to heart. I was pretty sure he was referring to last week, where let's just say, I was not really myself. Between the new four-legged arrivals at our house, all their poop, the impending holiday, the cards that went with the impending holiday, and the fact that I worked out of the house everyday for the first time in 5 years, things got a little....out of place. I wouldn't say our routine got totally turned upside down, but it was definitely lying on its side. And acting totally unresponsive.

I asked him again about his statement. "You mean, I'm no fun?"

"No! I mean we don't do anything fun - we don't have time to before we have to go to bed" he repeated.

"Well it could be because we always end up watching TV when we get home, right? Maybe we could be doing something else? What kinds of things do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Some special thing."

Ok. Great. A special thing. Thanks for the clarification.That could be anything. An un-birthday party? A field trip to a volcano? Where to start? Where to go? What to do?

So as we leave behind Spongebob, Chowder, The Tennysons and The Movers, and start on our journey of time creatively spent, wish us a little luck, and uh, a lot of DVDs.

Hello, Netflix? It's Me, Emily.....

F.A.V. VDay

2009-02-13T21:28:00.005-06:00

Originally, this week's video was going to be Willie Nelson, "You Were Always On My Mind". Because there's no greater wounded love song than that one, especially when Elvis belts it out. And with it being Valentine's day tomorrow and all, I just had to post one of my favorites.

But I couldn't find a version that appeased me, or one that could be embedded, or both. I just couldn't bear to throw up an awful version of the song, just for the sake of being able to do so. I even briefly considered one video of him singing it with Bon Jovi. But it was awful. Bon Jovi butchered it, and you know that's saying a lot coming from a die hard Jovi fan. And besides, Jon was wearing this horrific hat that looked like he'd picked it up at Target ten minutes before the show. I figured that version should probably just continue on living in obscurity without me.

Somehow, between my over-analyzing and under-searching, I ended up at this video. As soon as I saw Joe hobbling across the stage, followed by Leon Russell, and Leon Russell's hat, I knew it was the one. It was love at first sight, even though I've heard it a million times over [thank you, Kevin Arnold.].

And so.....without further ado.....happy valentines day.

[hello? obviously NOT woodstock. Everybody has clothes on.]

Oh Yes We Did.

2009-02-12T21:59:00.003-06:00

If you must know, I must tell you.

My family's gotten bigger. Like, way bigger, ya'll.

As of last Sunday?

We added two more to our burgeoning brood.Two more of the FOUR legged variety.

Because you know, why potty train one dog when you can just train two? Why get nibbled to death by just one puppy when it could be so much more blissfully painful with two? Why settle for just one pile of poop when you could have 12? Or more! Why worry about an overload of human toys when you could just increase the fun by throwing in a whole gaggle of dog toys? Why get one tiny dog when you can get two [soon-to-be] giant labradors? And heck. why live with 3 males when you can live with 5?

Seriously people. there's a sort of theme showing up in my life. Something to the effect of "Why take the easy road, when you're on the most difficult one already?" I don't know simple. I've never met uncomplicated. And I missed my chance to shake hands with convenient a long time ago.

So if you haven't heard from me, please. accept my sincere apologies. I've been a bit busy. You know. Trying to save my shirts, pants, shoes and ponytail [yes the hair on my head] from an early death by nibbilation.

So, with out further ado, introduce yourself to the newest Hartleys, Boss & King.

I'm sure you'll NEVER guess how we came up with those names...

F.A.V. You Got Lucky

2009-02-05T22:33:00.007-06:00

Today, I wore all my hair up in a modified banana clip.

I frequently used the phrases "Use your words", "Hands to yourself" and "Voices off".

I came home in the afternoon and put on a sweater.

And I spent all night last night swimming in glitter making these for today's winter carnival at the boy's school....

I'm pretty sure my transformation into full-blown mom is complete, sans the jeans.

Lets just say when my kids got stuck with me, they got lucky.
[I'd click that link if I were you. Its Tom Petty gone sci-fi! You'll be sorry if you miss it. Really sorry.]

A Little Bathtime Perspective

2009-02-03T19:53:00.005-06:00

I came over here ready to rant on bathtime.

I loathe bathtime. It's my least favorite mother/child activity. If I could hire a nanny to come to my house every night just to give my kids a bath, I would. It is the only time I ever wish my kids would just grow up and take a dang shower already.

But on my way over here I stopped by Suburban Turmoil. She had posted a short post about a reader and fellow blogger who had just lost her infant son a few days before his due date.

Suddenly my rant seemed so trite and trivial, so unnecessary. How blessed am I to even have the chance to bathe my children? To be able to hug them afterwards and sniff that sweet after-bath smell, to be able to wake up the next morning and do it all over again...day after day. It doesn't matter if it seems mundane or routine, what matters is that I get the chance to even do it at all.

I don't usually post things like this, but I felt I couldn't read her story, say my prayer and move on. I needed to share it. I needed the perspective it gave me. My stumbling upon her story seemed more to me than just a click or a coincidence.

I simply can't imagine the pain and heartbreak of losing a child before I barely even had the chance to meet him. My heart and my prayers go out to Cynthiaa and her family. Hug your kids just a little tighter tonight, try to stop and enjoy the fact that your kids are driving you nuts, revel in how blessed you are to be in that moment.

If you'd like, you can leave your thoughts and prayers for Cynthiaa on her blog here.

F.A.V. Bruce. Again.

2009-01-30T11:47:00.005-06:00

Even though there is definitely a slight danger of friday afternoon videos suddenly turning into friday afternoon springsteen, I just can't ignore Bruce this week.

His new album came out Tuesday, he plays the SuperBowl on Sunday, and on Monday, tickets start to go on sale for yet another tour. I'm not sure we'll be able to scoop up any tickets this time around, after all we did see him twice last year, and well, our family does need to eat. One cannot survive on just the E Street Band alone, you know.

I'll admit. I'm trying not to get all depressed about it. In fact, I like to think that because, I choose not to go this time, maybe another person, who perhaps hasn't had the chance to see him live yet might get the chance to go. Or maybe somebody whose seen him 49 times, will finally get to see him for the 50th time. Or I don't know, maybe a ticket will just fall out of the sky and into my lap. I mean, why can't the stimulus package just include one Bruce ticket for everybody? Surely that would really get things rolling again....

You get the idea. Whatever it takes to help me get over it, I'm gonna do.

So happy friday. Cause your papa say he knows that I don't have any money....

Just Rhyme it Out.

2009-01-28T20:35:00.005-06:00

My kids are learning how to rhyme.

Its pretty much all we talk about around here...

"Cool, tool. Hey mom! That rhymes....right?" Yes.

"What about grass, road? Does that rhyme?" Um, no....

Its a back and forth thing. One minute, they totally get it, and the next, not so much.

Rhyming seems like such a natural thing, its hard to remember a time when you didn't know quite what it was.

The boy's teacher tries to get as creative as she can to get the concept across. One day last week she had all the kids change the first letter in their name to the letter B for the entire day, to try and stress the way their 'new' name rhymes with their regular name. So Cash & Hayden became Bash & Bayden.

The boys loved this of course, and it has started a trend in our house. They love to change the first letter of something just to make to sound silly or different.

Like today for instance, we were working on a rhyming worksheet and Hayden was matching up the pictures that rhymed. "Pig, wig, MIG!"

Mig? What's that?

"Another word for pig."

Oh, Really? [Looks like I've still got some 'splaining to do.]

He moved on, cutting and gluing...gluing and cutting, matching up each rhyme.

Cash was hard at work too, "Bat & lion don't rhyme, Mommy."

That's right, Cash, they don't. But cat rhymes with bat doesn't it and that picture looks a lot like a cat to me.

" No," he said, as he looked down at the picture of a 'feline' with NO MANE and a collar, and whiskers. "Its definitely a lion."

Fine. Its a lion, but a lion is a cat. So glue the bat next to it. [I'm good a subtlety, no?]

Hayden was already on the last group of pictures. He loudly called out all the objects and then threw in his make-believe word, just for kicks....

"Corn, Horn, PORN!"

I choked.

Um. WHAT DID MY SON JUST SAY?

Porn. He just said porn.

Ok. What do I do? How do I discourage saying the word "Porn" while still encouraging rhyming? Crap.

This is just like that time I had to dissuade him from spelling out 'fag' on a door hanger during craft time at the library.

I took a deep breath...Um, Hayden, let's not say 'porn'.

"Why not? It's just another word for horn, Mommy."

Well, it really isn't another word for horn, and a lot of people really don't like that word. So, lets not say it, okay?

"Okay, mommy" he said with some matter of disgust in his voice.

Ten minutes later I heard his sweet little sing-songy voice again..."Horn,Corn....PORN!"

Sigh. This road of rhyming...sure is gonna take up a lot of my timing....

Snow Way!

2009-01-28T09:05:00.003-06:00

I was so on track this morning. Lunches were made. We weren't out of juice. I was able to convince Cash that his eyes really could remember how to open and our usual wardrobe scuffle was rather minor.

But just as I was starting to feel pretty confident about the way things were going, my phone rang. It was either get everybody's shoes on or answer it, so I missed it. I checked the voicemail only to hear the latter half of a recorded message from the school...."uary 28th" was pretty much all I heard.

I thought for a minute, maybe they cancelled school? But no, it was just raining outside, surely not. I checked the county website. Nothing. I checked the clock. 7:18. Now, we were officially running late. When did that happen? Should I check the news? Or should I get in the car?

Because I delight in the difficult, I decided to get in the car. I mean who wouldn't find it easier to load two cranky 5 year olds in to a chilly car in the freezing rain, while carrying one open drink, two back packs and an overflowing purse instead of oh, i don't know just flipping on the TV and changing the channel? Me. That's who.

So we drove to school. Hayden and I chatted. Cash slept. I saw cars pulling out of the other elementary school parking lot as if they had just dropped off their kids. I felt relaxed that surely, I hadn't missed anything. Sure, we were late, and they were going to be 'tardy'. But hey, we made it. And that was no small feat.

I turned the corner towards their school, and that's when I noticed there was no crossing guard. Hmm. Must have stayed home today, I thought.

And then I pulled into the school parking lot.

Which was empty.

I pulled into a space and walked to the front door. Because surely, somebody was there.

Doors locked. Lights off.

Turns out we weren't late. We were uh, early?

No, I certainly had not missed the fact that school had been cancelled and dragged my kids to school anyway, insisting we were going to be late.

No. That wasn't it at all.

The real truth is that I'm ahead of the game. For Thursday.

Namaste.

2009-01-26T22:18:00.000-06:00

F.A.V. Sunday Edition

2009-01-25T11:31:00.005-06:00

So maybe I forgot to post a video on Friday. Maybe it was because I got a call at 6 am Friday morning to spend my "Fun Friday" with a bunch of darling 2nd graders. And then maybe, just maybe, I also skipped my morning coffee that day which just might have sent me into a full blown caffeine withdrawal somewhere around 3:15, complete with headaches, nausea and fatigue [or maybe I'm just allergic to second graders? I haven't ruled that one out yet]. Which maybe forced me to cancel my appearance at a baby shower I shouldn't have missed and instead had me sleeping on the couch while my children turned my living room into Lego City Central.

And maybe, when I did feel better, and could have posted something, I didn't because I too busy settling into my weekend Mark Wahlberg Film Festival [compliments of The Shooter and We Own the Night] and was so focused on his exquisite acting skills that I completely forgot all other priorities.

Yeah. Maybe that was it.

One thing I am certain of though, is Paul Westerberg.

WARNING: this video WILL make you all 90's nostalgic. Something that I never thought was possible when it actually was the 90's.

edited to add: my Dyslexic Heart video has been disabled! WAH! So instead, you should go watch Singles. Get on it. Oh and you can listen to it on my blip page here.

Happy Sunday Afternoon.

[And if you don't already have the Open Season soundtrack, which Paul did most of, you should get it, like, now. If you wanna watch the movie too, that's your choice, just don't look at me when you realize you should have just skipped ahead to the soundtrack like I told you to.]

Today...

2009-01-20T15:28:00.004-06:00

...was a sick day for one,

a birthday for another [happy birthday mom!],

and a new day for all...

"...We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom..."

"...For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate..."
From Barack Obama's Inaugural Address

I would love nothing more than to pass on to my children and grandchildren the kind of country that thrives on freedom, faith, and respect for all. I am so happy to have a president who inspires me to do just that.

"Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around ... when yellow will be mellow ... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen."
From Rev. Lowery's Inaugural Benediction

F.A.V. R.I.P. INXS

2009-01-16T09:26:00.005-06:00

I have a long running joke with my husband that the world would be a completely different place if Michael Hutchence had never passed away.

Except I don't really think its funny, I completely stand behind my statement. I'm pretty sure that if he were still around, Katy Perry would have never gotten famous, America's economy would still be in fantastic shape, and I'd be getting paid more for substitute teaching.

Here's my proof:

Case closed.

Car Talk

2009-01-15T08:54:00.006-06:00

Normally, when driving in the car with my kids, I only hear one thing out of their mouths - "Turn IT UPPP!!!"

Usually when the request is made I'll have just started an important conversation like "What did you learn today?" only to be rudely interrupted by the demand that music be much louder, and my talking non-existent [I am allowed to sing however, well at least for the time being....].

And ironically, after the radio is turned up just loud enough that your ears are starting to think about bleeding, that's when they'll choose to continue the conversation we'd previously been having; which in turn forces me to have to turn the radio back down just to hear what they are saying, and the vicious cycle starts all over again.

But driving home in the car last night, things were different. There were still the usual demands of course, but a few fruitful discussions ensued.

For instance, when "Sweet Child of Mine" came on there were inquiries about instruments and which one makes what sound, just what is a guitar solo and why is that guy singing "Where do we go now?" , why does he want to go somewhere?

And when Peter Frampton came on with "Show Me the Way" [sincere apologies to my husband that I did not change the channel] we had our very first lesson about the talk box. A conversation which I'm sure will prove itself to be influential later in life. Especially the first time we drag them to see Bon Jovi.

But by far my most favorite conversation we had was not necessarily music-related, well, at least not directly. The boys had just come from Awana Cubbies, where they had learned all about the Bible story of Mary, Martha and Lazarus .

Hayden was retelling the story in detail and when I asked him what Jesus had done for Lazarus he said this "He brought him back to life, Mommy! Just like he did for Elvis!"

Of course.

How had I not made that connection? Especially after last week's conversation.

Sigh....

This proclamation from the mouths of babes can only mean one of two things. Either I've succeeded ten-fold at teaching them about Eternal Life, or instead I'm raising a couple of complete Elvis fanatics. Hmmm. Maybe its a little bit of both.

There's No I in Team.

2009-01-12T09:18:00.001-06:00

But there is one in Playmobil.

F.A.V. goes Elvis

2009-01-09T11:21:00.004-06:00

Yesterday would have been Elvis' 74th birthday. You know this. You also know its no secret that Elvis is big at our house. My kids were so excited it was his birthday yesterday that they asked me if we could make him some birthdays cards. Sure, I said, but we'll have to send them to heaven, because that's where Elvis is.

Don't ask me why I chose that route. I could have just said, "Sure lets do it!" and pretended to drop them in the mail. But no, I had to be truthful. I just couldn't lie. I've always sucked at lying. Just ask my parents.

So what started out as a innocent conversation turned into a full on discussion on heaven, how many years do we stay in heaven, why do we have to go into a box [this question being left over from a previous death discussion], how do you know when its time to go and lastly if Elvis doesn't live in his house anymore, who does? And can we go there? There was also some discussion over elves, and whether or not we are allowed to laugh at how small they are, though I'm not sure what that had to do with anything.

It was a rather deep conversation for the three of us, but it couldn't have been more appropriate. Discussing death on the birthday of the king of rock n' roll? This is exactly how I wanted parenthood to be.

So in honor of the E-man and my mothering skills, you'll be treated today to some of my favorite Elvis moments. You don't even know how lucky you are.

Tiger Man from the '68 Comeback Special...I never really thought Elvis was attractive...until I saw this. And you can be sure I'll be wearing sequined Elvis sweatshirts when I'm 80 because of it.

If I Can Dream, also from the 68 Special. This is Cash & Hayden's personal favorite. Which is a bit odd, since the usually proclaim "BOOOOOOORING" every time they hear a slow song. I guess they just know true genius when they see it. And you should see them perform it...

And lastly, Suspicious Minds. Because my favorite Elvis is early 70's Elvis. When the jumpsuits had just started and he was all about the dramatic ballads. If you only choose to watch one of these, I'd suggest this one. It's totally worth it for when he sings "Shove it up your nose" and for the all the killer dance moves, most especially the ones at the end.

And you? Do you have a favorite Elvis? Or a favorite somebody else?

It Went A Little Something Like This...

2009-01-05T21:48:00.020-06:00

A re-cap. Of sorts. Most people wrote about their Christmas 2 weeks ago, you know, when it actually happened, but whatever. I like to make my own path. So what if it's a tardy one.

Our Christmas started with two glorious nights at Opryland Hotel. A place where everyone still thinks sequined blinking christmas -wreath sweatshirts and furry santa purses are 'appropriately festive'.

Oh, and they have something like 2 million lights all lit-up and stuff. It's real fancy. And real crowded. It was kind of like Disney, but with a lot less mice, and a alot more uh, scooters.

From there, it was on to Huntsville, Alabama - THE Rocket City, where we spent our Christmas.

This guy showed up too. I can't seem to shake him. He followed us everywhere...

[and he totally forced me to write a series of dumb notes and tell a few too many lame elf-themed jokes]

After Huntsville, we stopped in Birmingham, where my children schooled their great grandmother and great-great aunt on the plot developments of Spongebob Squarepants.

The Finer Points of Spongebob from emily hartley on Vimeo.

Next, it was time for the Queen City, Cincinnati. Home to Skyline Chili and some flying pigs. And me. There, we had Christmas. Again.

You'll never guess who tagged along.

He later spilled that powerade ALL OVER one of his notes I'd worked really hard on. Really. This guy was soooo starting to try my patience. I mean, it was after Christmas already, and he was totally starting to overstay his welcome.

Many important firsts happened on this leg of the trip....

1. My grandparents threw a bowling party. Possibly the best Christmas get-together in family history. Ever.

2. After my children expressed much love for 'Bohemian Rhapsody' we gave them their very first taste of Wayne's World. Which kind of just ended up making me feel really, really old. They loved it though, and that was totally worth the personal humiliation.

3. We made some gingerbread trees that could only be referred to as MASTERPIECES and then thought it was a good idea to let the boys actually EAT them. Later, all of their teeth fell out. Oh well. Saves on toothpaste.

4. And most importantly, my little Jedi finally got a couple of Lightsabers.

Wanting to master their skills of lightsaber handling and aunt and grandparent manipulation, the boys elected to stay a few extra days in Cincy, while Aaron and I headed home. Quickly. Before anyone could change their mind.

This plan resulted in many things, a little rest & relaxtion for us, much fun for my family, and my children mastering the lyrics to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" [sung here to the tune of uh, our spaghetti dinner]. I should be um, proud, right?

Pouring Some Sugar from emily hartley on Vimeo.

They got the chance to road trip back home to Nashville with my dad, which is always a treat, and hardly ever dull [Just ask me sometime about the great pepsi-as-winshield-fluid incident of '92].

Saturday night, I put away all the Chrismtas decorations [cuz you know I know how to party!]. I was really kind of proud of myself, as I usually really drag my feet on this part. I gave myself a big pat on the back of congratulations only to find this face staring back at me from the couch:

Our eyes met and only one word came to my mind. And I'm not typing it here. Let's just say the little guy is now on a very long vacation. To the Bermuda Triangle.

I can hardly believe the holidays are already over and we're already slamming right into 2009. I'm not sure I've completely recovered from all the excitement yet, nor have I even begun to catch up. I think this last picture pretty much says it all, so I think I'll just leave it at that....

F.A.V. New Years Edition

2009-01-02T13:26:00.002-06:00

2008?

Officially the year that never was. I blinked and it was gone.

Hmph.

Story of my life.

[I'm just gonna pretend I wasn't pissed I couldn't embed this video. Talk about bad luck. The man is just trying to keep me down. Like some kind of ball and chain.]

Happy New Year y'all.

Love you, and you, and you, and Mike Ness? Love you too.

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-24T12:48:00.003-06:00

And because you're so special to me, I even made you a Christmas slideshow, you know, in case you've forgotten what we looked like. It's my first foray into making a home movie, so bear with me, but I have to say, I was pretty proud of myself, putting together pictures AND music. I'm fancy!

I hope you enjoy it and have a fantastic holiday and an awesome new year!

Happy Holidays! from emily hartley on Vimeo.

F.A.V. Its Your Lucky Day

2008-12-19T10:16:00.003-06:00

Oh that's right, I have a blog! I totally misplaced it this week. I just found it a few hours ago under a stack of unopened Christmas cards and discarded candy cane wrappers.

My house is a wreck.

A little elf named Edgar moved into our house earlier this month, and I'm just going to blame it all on him.

I found him face down in a bucket this morning, so I think its obvious he's the one to blame. I'm also going to blame him for the fact that I don't have even one ounce of Christmas shopping done, as well as for the reason that I simply cannot accept the fact that Christmas is this coming Wednesday and also maybe he's the reason I haven't even sent out a Christmas card yet and for the stomach-ache I now have for eating the majority of Christmas cookies I baked.

If it wasn't for that silly little elf, I'd probably have some awesome Christmas-themed video to go right here. I'm sure it would be clever, or maybe even amusing. But I'll just save that for next week.

Besides, the video I'm posting this afternoon is a gift in and of itself. I've tried to hold out as long as possible from posting a Bruce Springsteen video [I've been afraid once I start posting Bruce, I won't be able to stop] but I'm breaking the seal on that today. Right here. Right now.

The video is for "My Lucky Day" which is off his new album that comes out in January. It's about the sweetest little love song you ever did hear, and I'll be damned if he doesn't look ridiculously handsome the entire video. Especially in that hat. Not that I only love Bruce for his looks or anything...

F.A.V. MELLENCAMP

2008-12-12T13:42:00.003-06:00

If you know me, if you love me, you know I love Mellencamp. He reminds me of growing up, my hometown, my best friend, and save for my baby Bruce, a Mellencamp concert is one of the best concerts I've ever been to.

Only John Mellencamp can pull off a blueberry-blue suit with a t-shirt and still look cool. And the man dances with the microphone stuck into the waist of his pants. The waist of his pants, people! Who does that?

John Mellencamp does.

He may not be the kind of rock star who'll gain you street cred with the hipsters. But do I give a rip? No. Fedoras are totally on their way out anyway.

Almost everything he puts out is awesome, and I could chock this whole blog full of videos, but I heard this song in the car yesterday and I got all weepy listening to it. Because I'm like that. Plus his hair in this video is awesome. And he does the splits.

Check It Out.

Bowl. Baby. BOWL.

2008-12-11T09:00:00.001-06:00

My sisters were in town this past weekend, which meant dance parties, late nights, early mornings, a little free babysitting, and plenty of rotten spoiling.

We decided to throw all caution to the wind and let the boys dictate the weekends festivities.

They picked bowling.

Can I even begin to express my pride? I'm figuring their love for the pins started in-utero.

The one and only time I have ever kicked total booty in bowling [or in any sport for that matter] was when I was around 6 months pregnant with those two.

It was back in the early "Glory Days" when we lived off 8th Ave in Nashville and often frequented Melrose Lanes.

I was fierce, I tell you, hauling that heavy ball up there as well as my burgeoning belly [not to mention a burgeoning behind as well...].

It was almost as if all that extra weight gave me an awesomely grounding center of balance, and ta-da! I was coordinated for the first [and only] time in my life.

*Sigh* Those were the days, when slamming down a turkey was actually within my grasp on a regular basis, instead of just on Thanksgiving.

I've been hoping and praying since the day I found out I was having these two that they'd be blessed with at least just an ounce more of coordination than I'd ever had. I'm not asking for them to be captain of the team or anything, it would just be nice if they could catch a ball without having to cover their face first, like I once did. At a Major League baseball game.

After this weekend [and after many times of consistently being hit in the face by a ball or kicked in the shins by these dear children] I can almost conclude that my prayers were answered. Almost. Maybe. Sort of. Yes? No? See for yourself.

Cash:

A Time to Bowl from emily hartley on Vimeo.
[That girl on the left was the most uninterested bowler I've ever seen. She was always sitting down by the time her ball hit the pins. I think she scored a total of 14? And don't even get me started on her awesome flat-ironing skills]

Hayden [and Cash um, helps out]:

A Time to Bowl Part 2 from emily hartley on Vimeo.

Yup. My children obviously ooze coordination. Just standing next to them makes me look better, and I'm not really exaggerating,either. I even managed to beat Aaron at bowling that very same afternoon. This never happens. He wins everything. Even Candyland.

A Mineral Moment

2008-12-10T11:18:00.004-06:00

Getting ready the other day, this showed up in my foundation:

Can you believe that smirk its giving me? Do you even see it? Please tell me you see it.

It might has well have screamed "Oh, girl! After this is over, I'm gonna spread out all over your bathroom counter, and then when you try to wipe me up, I'll just smear, and then it'll look like your sink has skidmarks. So awesome! Oh, I'm also gonna do my best to make one of your cheeks look six times darker than the other while simultaneous not covering any of your zits, and then, maybe later, around 4:00 or so? You'll notice I've been hanging out on your pants leg all dang day, making you look way lame. You hate me, I know, but you can't quit me. Don't forget to recycle."

Hmph.

I wanted to put "Maybe it's Maybelline, or maybe I'm crazy" right here, but lets face it. That's not even funny. Not even remotely. Totally off the map. Like in the Bermuda Triangle.

No wonder even my own makeup is mocking me.

One of these things is not like the other.

2008-12-08T11:23:00.004-06:00

One of these things just doesn't belong.

Can you find it?

Is it the overbearing presence of vinyl?

Or maybe, Yoda, it is?

The graffiti covered baby Jesus?

My grandma would say the Three Kings. Because everybody knows they don't make it to the stable until January 6th [she still makes them travel though her entire dining room before they finally make it to the Nativity on the Epiphany].

But I think it's this guy:

The holy badger. I've had this Nativity scene since my preteen years and I still can't figure out what this guy is doing there.
I'm pretty sure they're weren't any badgers in Bethlehem.

I don't even know if he's really a badger. He could be a Christmas koala? Or maybe, a bear, lost in the desert after a wrong turn on the tundra?

Truth is, I kind of feel sorry for the little guy. Just look at the way he hangs his pokey little head in and shame. He's even getting the evil eye from the king on the far right. And that donkey? We all know full well he's being a total ass.

Poor thing. Maybe he's a black sheep...uh, literally.

What do you think?

F.A.V. Art of Destruction

2008-12-05T09:50:00.002-06:00

The boys had art class earlier this week.

When they got in the car after school that afternoon, I asked about their day. We discussed all the important happenings like who pushed who, was it or wasn't it on purpose and why is everybody else so slow at putting the blocks away during block center, before the conversation settled on how Art went that day. [Art was my absolute favorite subject from the beginning of preschool to the end of college, so I admit, I do harbor a small-ish hope that at least one of my children might enjoy it too.]

"So what did you do in art class today, guys?" I asked, totally expecting them to trip over themselves with excitement.

Silence.

Cash was asleep.

Hayden was staring out the window.

Finally, after a minute or so he confidently declared. "I'll show you when we get home."

Ooo. Such suspense from such youth! Must be something good.

Once we got home and settled into our afternoon routine [which is basically me yelling about how could you possibly still be hungry, you just ate 3 go-gurts and a bowl of cherrios and two bananas, while they ignore me] we gathered on the couch to review our art projects.

They seemed proud of what they were about to show off, and I so enjoy listening to them explain their work, I was anxious to see what they had done.

Hayden was first.

"This is a building....

AND THE WHOLE THING'S ON FIRE."

He drew on the back too,

" This is a race track, and these are the cars....

there was an EXPLOSION here, and this one EXPLODED and that one EXPLODED, and oh yeah, EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE.

Hmmm. Interesting. Scorching, even.

Next it was Cash's turn.

"This is a van you watch Christmas lights from. Here's a guy wearing a hat, and here's me....

and my feet are A LITTLE BIT ON FIRE.

He also drew on the other side of his paper, a race track too,

"Here's Daddy, here's Hayden, that's me....

I'm A LITTLE BIT ON FIRE, oh and you, you're over there. "

Hmmm. Do you sense a theme? I'm not so sure if I do or not.

I mean, we never watch racing around here. What this obsession with race tracks? I don't get it.

Regardless, today's video is for my kids and they're budding talent as artists [of destruction...]:

[why doesn't anybody dance in their seat like that anymore? Everybody always has to get up these days to shake their booty....]

What about you? What's your video today?

Through A Childs Eyes

2008-12-01T10:56:00.003-06:00

Children have a unique way of seeing things in a different light.

Here's my son Hayden, on Thanksgiving.

Superman, The Video. from emily hartley on Vimeo.

I think this video sums it all up for me. This is the way I want to remember this time in our lives, this is the way I want my life to be, and obviously my son has a bright future in videography.

F.A.V. The Day After

2008-11-28T00:00:00.003-06:00

Now that Thanksgiving is over, I can tell you what I'm really thankful for....

John Stamos.
Cocktails.
The Beach Boys.
NOT Tom Cruise.
Getting there fast and taking it slow......Yup.

You got it.

Kokomo.

Happy Black Friday. Hope your digestion is going well, and that no one trampled you at JC Penney this morning....

Looking For Something?

2008-11-25T13:27:00.002-06:00

That Island of Lost Toys?

I'm pretty sure it's in my playroom.

O, Christmas. Tree.

2008-11-23T21:00:00.003-06:00

Last Sunday night we put up our Christmas tree.

What?

Yes, that's right. Screw the turkey. Give me the manger.

Wait...that came off kind of blasphemous....

What I meant to say was I don't have 8 boxes of turkey stuff in my garage. I have a shortage of pilgrims. And I don't like scarecrows.

Instead my garage is half-full of tinsel, trees, ornaments, wreaths, advent calendars, garlands and glitter. Lots and lots of glitter.

The Christmas season in our house so busy, with us usually being out of town for at least 2 weeks, that I like get our decorations up early, so we can enjoy them. Who cares if it was only the third week of November?

The boys were eager to help out. In fact as soon as I brought all the boxes out of the garage, they got to work without even asking.

Cash took it upon himself to open all the new boxes of lights I'd bought after Christmas last year. I didn't pay much attention to what he was doing, until I found myself hearing the familiar clinkity-clink-clink of light bulbs. I turned around from the tree and saw this...

He'd had trouble getting the lights out of the cardboard they came in [which you can see in the background], so he came up with a solution.

Unscrew every bulb.

*Ahem*

How could you be mad at that ingenious? I certainly couldn't. After all, there was no whining involved, so I have to admit I was filled with more pride then I was disgust.

He even helped me screw all the bulbs back in and put the finishing touches on the tree. A tree which he remarked looked like "Christmas exploded on it".

I'm just going to go ahead and accept that as a compliment. He is a boy, and in a boy's vocabulary, 'explosion' is pretty much synonymous with 'awesome'. So, obviously, my tree must look awesome.

I think Hayden agrees as well. Just yesterday morning he said "I hope that tree doesn't fall over, because it looks like a mess already."

Uh, yeah. Just like I said. Looks awesome.

F.A.V. Awesome

2008-11-21T10:20:00.005-06:00

Last night, I was getting ready to go out and see a band that my husband is working with [Tommy and the Whale. Way worth your next 5 minutes. Please check them out!].

I was in my room, and the boys were out in the hall. Wrestling. Singing. Spitting. Reading. Doing anything but sleeping, which is what they were supposed to be doing.

They were pretty amusing, what with their alphabet-themed renditions of Who Let the Dogs Out and all, but I'll admit, I was on the edge of irritation. Just as I was put the finishing touches on my evening attire, and just as I was about to threaten to turn out all the lights, I turned toward the boys, who said this [I made them recreate it, just for you]:

Awesome from emily hartley on Vimeo.

And that just melted my cold mean-mommy-get-me-the-hell-out-of-this-house heart. What little darlings I have. They're totally getting Leapsters for Christmas.

So since its obvious that I'm awesome. And that my children are awesome. I picked you an awesome video. I figured this one pretty much sums up my night last night, because I totally wore the same outfit this girl is wearing. And yes, its true that sometimes I pretend Aaron is Huey.

Huey Lewis and the News - Heart and Soul

Its Friday. Show me your awesome.

Just a Bunch of Winners

2008-11-18T21:01:00.006-06:00

I'm a winner.

A few weeks ago I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Rock and Roll Mama, by the ever-awesome Lindsay Maines, who writes beautifully about both music and mommyhood. She writes one of the few blogs I actually ever comment on and you'll never believe what happened.

Apparently, my comments? They were soooo riveting that I actually won an award! Yes, it is totally true, I really won something!

Ok, well, maybe it was more like she awarded a Starbucks Card to the fifth commenter, who I just happened to be, but whatever, Y'all! I. Am. A. Winner! [Did I really just TYPE y'all? Oh yes, I did.] Here's the proof:

You'll be happy to know I spent it wisely. On something warm and all mocha-like. A long time ago. With this gal.

Yummy.

And It appears this winning streak has rubbed off on my kiddos too.

I took the boys to an after-school activity this afternoon at their school library put on by Read to Succeed. There was a craft, a story, games, snacks, and a drawing for a prize. 3 prizes actually.

I figured we had a pretty good chance of winning, considering I had one more kid there then every other parent. I can't tell you what kind of winning percentage that would give me of course, because I'm no good at the math stuff. But that's not important anyway.

What IS important is that we won. Well, at least Cash did. We are now the proud owners of a lovely, fluffy, Build-A-Bear brand dog.

[be sure to note the conflicting expressions on my children's faces...]

A dog now affectionately known as "Fluffy Doggie" partly because we're obviously super creative with our stuffed animal names around here [like Deer, Catty and Black Doggie, for instance] and partly because I think Cash is deliberately trying to rub his winnings in Hayden's face by constantly remarking on the furry texture of his new best friend.

I'd be lying if I told you all was well in our house after this big win. Suddenly, and for Hayden at least, every toy we already own paled in comparison to the Mighty Fluffy One. This included both of the Build-A-Bears we already had, anything with a remote and even *gasp* the Bat Cave.

I feel bad for Hayden, I really do. I know it has to suck to watch your brother win, while you get nothing but the two free books everybody else got. But at the same time, losing is a part of life that we all have to get used to, and I don't want to sugar-coat this experience so much that we miss the life-lesson entirely.

So what's a mom to do? I did what any mom would, I entered another contest to win a $25 Build-A-Bear gift card.

Problem solved. Sorta.

C'mon Lady Luck! Momma needs a new pair of uh.....paws? Preferably ones that can fit in a pair of bear-sized sneakers?

F.A.V. Whatever

2008-11-14T09:46:00.005-06:00

It's a busy week this week. My mom's in town, I got a substitute teaching job, we attended the ever-exciting CMA Awards and tomorrow, my nieces and nephew are coming so we can make a valiant attempt at a Christmas card picture for my mother-in-law.

For once, I woke up this morning with no idea what video I was feeling today. With so much going on, I had a few themes in mind, but I finally settled on maybe picking something teacher or job related since I'd signed up for substituting this week. I thought maybe "Hot for Teacher" , but, wow, that would have been wildly inappropriate, and kind of gross, and maybe just a little self-centered.

Somehow my train of thought led me to 'Particle Man' by They Might Be Giants. I thought, 'Hmmm, Particle Man. That's kind of science-y.' The last time I felt science-y was school, and school=teacher, so, hey. There's my theme.

When I started to search for the video however, so many great TMBG songs came up that I found it increasingly hard to choose which one was my favorite. Maybe I'll put up "Never Go To Work" because lets face it, I love that I can actually go to work now, but does anyone ever really want to go to work? Besides, my kids love that one - you just gotta love a band that can span the generations.

Still, my initial gut feeling was to pick something older, more classic TMBG, and when I saw this video in the list and listened to the song, it all came rushing back. Screw my theme, I felt like I was sitting in my high school cafeteria, dipping my pretzels in cream cheese and stapling the hem on my uniform all over again.

So enjoy it. And don't forget to let me know your pick, either.

They Might Be Giants - The Statue Got Me High

Reason #373 Why Having Twins is STILL Awesome

2008-11-12T11:17:00.006-06:00

Because even though the school photographer seriously screwed up your kids school pictures the first time around [mistaking your two children for JUST ONE CHILD] you sucked it up and ordered the pictures anyway.

Last week we got the pictures back.

Here's what they looked like:

Ahem.

Talk about identical. Right down to the allergy eyes, the parts in their hair and the wrinkles in their shirts.

Man. I had no idea my kids looked that much alike. I mean I know they're twins and all, but c'mon now! This is kind of eerie.

Its almost like they're the same per---oh wait.

They are the same person. These are both pictures of Cash.

Way to go Mr. School Photographer, you did it again. You've managed to take my kids from two children to one and then back again. I have to say I really admire your consistency.

Sigh......at least I have enough pictures of Cash now to wrap all our Christmas presents with.

F.A.V. Flip-Out

2008-11-07T10:10:00.005-06:00

This feels a little cheesy. Maybe a little cliche.

And maybe completely embarrassing too.

But screw it, I'm gonna do it anyway.

I'm a mom you know, and I have a temper.

And I lose it. A lot. So much, that I shouldn't be able to find it anymore.

I lose it over lame stuff, like missed baths or a sticky floor. You could even say that I'm better at throwing a temper tantrum than the two five year olds I live with.

Its getting old, really. And I'm tired of it, I'm tired of pretending its something I don't do, and I'm tired of making excuses about it.

I'm tired of having to apologize to my kids for my inappropriate actions.

I'm embarrassed that some days my priorities are so skewed that I'm more consumed by my mounting to-do's than I am by all those I-love-you's my little ones so selflessly shower me with.

Precious moments are flying by faster than I can keep up with and I can't afford to waste any more of my time worrying endlessly about how many grams of sugar are in those granola bars, or how looming my recycling pile might be, or how many toys are carpeting my floor.

In five minutes, five days, or five years, it simply wont matter if we skipped our bath three days in a row that first week of November, if I cant remember what the carpet looked like in the playroom, or what the sink looked like when it was empty, once.

As long as my family is basking in the kind of love that they deserve, nothing else matters.

So.....

What better way to acknowledge these statements than with the crankiest band of all time?

In the spirit of letting go, moving on, and tempering down I dedicate today's video to me.

Here's to less yells and more giggles, and my crush on James Hetfield that will NEVER die.

[Did you see that date at the beginning? 1992! not only am I angry, I also feel old]

It's your turn now....how are you feeling today???

About Last Night...

2008-11-05T08:36:00.003-06:00

I'm not really one to go all political on you, but I think it would be a crime not to mention how last night made me feel.

What an awesome historical moment it was to see Barack Obama capture the presidency. So many amazing milestones were reached in just one night, from the amazing voter turnout [14 million more people than in the last election!] to the choice of our first African-American president.

But I must admit, what I was most proud of was my generation and the younger generations that have come after me....Barack said it best when he described the unlikely success of his campaign, “It grew strength from the young people, who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy, who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.”

We do have a voice, and we made ourselves heard. We are a force to be reckoned with.

I know this road will not be easy, and that the journey ahead will be difficult, and I know that Barack will not be the answer to all our problems.

But I am truly excited about is that I FINALLY have a president who empowers and inspires me to WANT to support my country, to WANT to do my part to make America a better place to live. I truly believe that is a change I can and will believe in.

I am excited to be raising my children in a country where all things truly are possible, a place where we can judge on character and not on color. My friend Jennifer from momslikeme summed it up beautifully this morning with this statement, "The best part of the Obama victory is the renewal of the spirit of millions of Americans who can truly believe their children can grow up to be President."

Amen.

We have lived so long under the politics of fear, I look forward to a future fueled by the politics of hope.

“This is our time to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.”

And to Ohio, my home state, I am so very proud of you...

Out of the Office

2008-11-03T12:52:00.002-06:00

So, if you need me today....

...i'll be in the BatCave.

F.A.V. Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T08:32:00.005-05:00

OOooOOOOOoooOOOOOooo!

Happy All Hallows Eve to you, my little pretties.

Today's choice was a tough one. I couldn't just ignore the holiday after all. I wanted something festive, and a little bit freaky.

I thought, quite dreadfully, hmmm, who should I pick? Maybe Rob Zombie? But I don't even like Rob Zombie.

Or what about NIN? Nope. Too serious.

Maybe Thriller? Nah, too obvious.

Finally, after many horrifically terrifying moments of indecision, I finally made a choice. So here goes...

I harrowingly dedicate it to my frighteningly adorable husband and his undying love for bad horror movies. And the Pixies.

But beware!!! If you don't like splattering blood, exploding eyeballs or Linda Blair, you probably shouldn't watch this. Especially if you just ate.

Horror Movie Montage set to "Dead" by The Pixies

Share with me your ghastly [or not so ghastly....] pick for today!!!

If you don't do it for yourself...please. Do it for the children...

[Don't ask. I don't know...]

Sitting with Scissors

2008-10-29T08:53:00.008-05:00

I was going to write a thrilling entry today about my budget Halloween. Which probably isn't so much based on budget as it is on mooching, oops! I mean, on the genuine generosity of others...

But then yesterday happened. It was an exciting and busy day, with votes to be cast, pumpkins to be carved and homework to be finished. It was a day with a story, and that story must be shared.

The boys and I were seated around our kitchen table hard at work on this week's cut & sort worksheet. After a few minutes of gleeful participation, things had started to go a little sour. I could see the grand tradition of procrastination [passed on through many generations] starting to rear its ugly head. Glue was being thrown, scissors were being launched, and my children were quickly disappearing under the table,

Just when I was about to give up, things had gone eerily silent.

As a mom, you can pretend all you want that silence is a good thing, but when you live with two five-year olds, you know better; the sound of silence might as well be a siren of destruction.

And that's when I heard it....

"Mommmmmmy?" A two syllable word stretched into six? Not a good sign. Not a good sign at all.

"Um, I accidentally cut my hair." Ah, yes, a statement that will go down in history, forever destined to be repeated and bronzed in a baby book. 'I accidentally cut my hair.'

I took a minute to inhale, then exhale, inhale again and then let out one big sigh. I counted to ten or twenty, maybe even thirty, and I stared at the table for a minute, not sure I really wanted to look up.

If you know me at all, or if you've been reading my ramblings for a while, you know my biggest fear [besides martians] is the fear of a buzz-cut. The last thing I wanted to do was to look up and make eye contact with a snafu so horrid that it could only remedied with clippers.

Eventually, I summoned up enough courage to direct my eyes upward. I first saw the pile of hair on the kitchen table which Hayden was already starting to throw away. Kind of big, yes, but under the realm of positive thinking, could have been worse. So I bit the bullet and prepared to face Cash, the culprit, face to face.

This is what I saw:

Just see if you can spot the missing chunk.

I could tell the boys were nervously waiting for my response, probably expecting a blow-up, but the look on Cash's face was so classic, his eyes looking up, trying to focus on that spot where hair once was, that the only thing I could do was laugh.

Cash started to giggle too, in high-pitched relief, and Hayden followed suit. I manage to eek out one or two 'You need to be more careful' scoldings but what was the use? It was a moment so humorously endearing it was devoid of all punishment or discipline.

It really wasn't that bad, anyway. My painstaking devotion to their hairstyle had finally paid off, as the rest of his bangs are long enough that with the right part and maybe the right product you can barely tell that something is missing.

Truthfully, I have to admit I'm a little bit surprised it hadn't happened sooner.

After all, a good day in our house is one when we manage to make it to the end of the day with the house leaning, but standing and most everyone's appendages still intact.

Ground Control

2008-10-26T22:22:00.002-05:00

Fed up with the lack of dusting going on around the house, the SpaceMan takes things in to his own hands.

F.A.V. To Prepare or Not Prepare

2008-10-24T10:29:00.004-05:00

Its Friday again already? I was so not prepared for this. Well sort of not. Ok, truthfully I decided on today's video last Saturday, so I can't lie anymore, I was completely prepared.

Maybe my problem is not that I'm unprepared, its that I'm pretending to be unprepared. Who does that? Me, I guess. I don't really know where I'm going with this.

But what I do know is that you better be prepared for today's video from Sia.

We should all take a hint from her and wear pantyhose more often.

Buttons Video

[if you liked that one, you should check out this performance too, Sia puts Kayne's glow to shame]

Now its your turn. Hurry!

Its raining and I'm bored.

Maybe My Grossest Blog Yet...

2008-10-23T09:42:00.008-05:00

**you have been warned: this blog contains pictures of real live fake rodents and one real dead one**

You may have heard me mention before the surplus of artificial life forms we have laying around our house.

I'm talking fake spiders, rats, snakes, centipedes, flies...you name it, we probably having a plastic replica of it.

More often than not one of these little dummies has scared the poo out of me when I wasn't expecting it.

Like our mouse friend here, who startled me while I was on a lego-excavating mission in the playroom:

Or this spider who I was sure was on the attack:

Or how about this terrifying piglet who jumped out at me while I was on dustbuster duty:

And with it being Halloween and all, the likelihood of these happenings has greatly increased, what with all the extra spiders and mice showing up for the celebration:

So yesterday, while I was taking out the trash, I wasn't surprised at all to find another little rodent friend hanging out on the driveway. I figured he'd been joy-riding with the boys on their big wheels the afternoon before and must have gotten left behind when it was time to go inside.

Then I leaned over to pick him up, and that's when I began to second-guess my better judgement.

It was a mole.

And, um, he wasn't Made in China.

You just can't get more festive than that.

Dearest Husband...

2008-10-22T09:28:00.003-05:00

While you were busy shutting down the city last night in the Big Apple, I was busy trying to avoid going to bed alone.

I watched Leno make fun of McCain, Letterman discuss the economy with Bill Clinton, and Craig Ferguson whisper about a hot girl in a shiny dress.

I was dreading that moment when I have to trudge up the stairs, turn off all the lights, and be serenaded to sleep by that unnerving combination of total silence and the annoying hum of the boy's 'fishy' light.

I dislike this moment partly because I miss you, and want to be sure you are safe where ever you are, and partly because I'm almost positive that surely this has to be the time, while I'm here alone in a quiet house, that green people from another planet will appear to whisk me away on a not-so-fun excursion into the outer limits [thanks to that chip they implanted in my nose 15 years ago in Colorado. STACY.].

But after a few conversations with you by the romantic light of text, and after firmly affixing my aluminum foil hat upon my head, I finally managed to settle in for a good night's sleep.

I tried to enjoy the fact that I could sprawl out across the entire bed without any complaints from anybody about my freezing 'are you sure you took your shoes off?' feet touching theirs.

I rolled around a bit, trying to find that perfect spot for slumber. Just when I was about to give up I stumbled upon one of the most heavenly sleep spots I'd ever encountered. It was as if I'd instantly been carried away on the backs of fleecy little sheep and plopped right down onto a cloud of the fluffiest cotton.

It was your side of the bed.

I couldn't believe you'd been keeping this from me. You'd been hoarding this little slice of heaven all this time and I didn't even know? No wonder you dosed off every time I started into another bedtime discussion on whether I should teach the boys how to tie their shoes, or maybe just invest in a lifetime supply of Vans.

To think, all this time I just thought you were tuning me out. I'm crazy, I know it. And I took all your snoring and sleep talking as a sign of agreement on this fact.

Little did I know your were being lured luxuriously into a blissful sleep by the siren song of the tranquility that is your side of the bed.

I did my best to stay up, trying to sleepily piece together a tirade on this injustice of this situation.

Alas, it was too late, I'd flirted with the fluff, and now the sandman was here. I tried to fight it, but it was no use, I was already drooling.

All over your fluffy pillows.

Are You...

2008-10-20T09:14:00.005-05:00

Feeling a little out of place today?

Yeah. So is she.

F.A.V. Indecision

2008-10-17T06:45:00.000-05:00

I'm currently on my way to the pumpkin patch with 100 5 year olds, so afternoon is coming early today....

I usually decide early on in the week what video I want to post. And then I sit on it for a few days. Trying to craft a perfectly imperfect description or story for accompaniment.

I act like I'm all smart or deep about it, but this actually means that I over-think my choice quite a bit, and often subject my choices to some lame drawn out form of analyzing that I made up all by myself just to make things difficult. Because I like difficult. Difficult is good. No pain, no gain, my brethren.

That said, this time around was no different. I'd firmly set my sights on the following video. After receiving a random email earlier in the week I'd made up my mind up that we should just change our national anthem to this song:

Frankly, I think everyone should be required by the law to like The Talking Heads.

But then the mail-lady drove by one afternoon, late as usual, and dropped a long-awaited MGMT album on my doorstep, and well, this house has kind of [oh whatever, more like TOTALLY] been grooving ever since.

I can't post the original video I wanted, because THE MAN [or the band] just won't let me, but you MUST go check it out here, NOW. Whether you like it or not, its worth watching for the cameo made by the animal band from Showbiz Pizza somewhere around 1:33.

Instead I'm posting this version, because I'm in the audience in this one. Over there by that white tent on the left. You can't see me, but I'm fairly certain you can see a microscopic glint from my sunglasses when I turned to ask Aaron "What is this?" Yes, it's true. I really am cool like that. I never know what's really going on.

Lastly, I'm going completely overboard and posting MGMT covering Talking Heads. Now that's what I call FULL CIRCLE people.

Trifecta complete.

Alright. I'm done now.

TAG.

You're it.

How much thought do you put into YOUR choice?

Terror by the Dinner Table

2008-10-15T22:39:00.007-05:00

I like Halloween.

I like the bats and the fangs.

The black cats.

The skeletons.

And oh yeah, the costumes.

Pumpkins, you're ok too, but do you have to be so grody on the inside?

Yes, we're getting geared up in this house for All Hallow's Eve.

The decorations are up...

the costumes have been purchased [and the poses mastered]...

the treats are being discussed, and the pumpkin patch is being visited [tomorrow. with 100 other kids. and I'm chaperoning. talk about terrifying].

Oh how I love to get my kids all jazzed about Halloween. After all, you just can't knock a holiday where you get to wear a ridiculous outfit and be rewarded for it with sugar. Loads and loads of sugar.

However. I am starting to scare myself [appropriate I guess, considering the spirit of the season and all] because last night, I extended our celebration right into our diet.

No, we didn't eat candy corn ala mode or candy apple souffle. Worse.

We had this:

Mummies in a Blanket!!!!!

Horrific, isn't it? Next thing you know I'm going to start wearing embroidered jack o' lantern sweat sets and light-up ghost earrings.

I'm scared for myself I really am.

So if you see me in the next few weeks and I say something ridiculous like " Ghoul morning, my pretty!" or "You look BOOtiful, daahhhling!", please, do me a favor and put me out of my spooky misery, commit me to holiday rehab before I spend all my money on a over-sized, hand-woven cornucopia...

As soon as my cauldron fizzles out, I'll thank you for it.

Maybe [she types, while cackling uncomfortably....].

Yeah. I definitely need some help.

Mondays...

2008-10-13T23:52:00.003-05:00

...are rough on Batman too.

F.A.V. The ROCK Test

2008-10-10T09:36:00.003-05:00

My children have become increasingly particular about their 'Rock n' Roll' lately. Meaning, if a song doesn't match their current rock criteria, it's quickly dismissed from the Rock n' Roll category. Their standards are quite high, and frankly, a little bit sexist [as in nothing sung by a woman counts. Trust me, we're working on this one. Joan Jett anyone?].

Only a handful of bands have managed to make it on their Ultimate Rock List: Metallica [of course], AC/DC [no question], Rush [I still don't get this one], Nirvana [approved], and as of yesterday Foghat [can you say classic rock radio overload maybe?].

Which brings me to this little tale...

This past Monday we were visiting my family in Ohio. The boys have a ritual with my dad where they watch the rocket launch sequence from the Apollo 13 movie about a hundred times over before heading to bed. This time around, after watching the re-entry sequence in addition just for kicks, my dad decided to throw on a little Allman Brothers Band, too.

I don't know what kind of reaction he was going for, if any, and I didn't really think much about it. It certainly wasn't out of character or anything, my dad is a music man, music was always on when I was growing up, and still is, much to the chagrin of my mother.

And then it happened.

Hayden stood up, his southern-born blood not moved at all by the greatest southern rock band of all time, and confidently said " This is NOT rock n' roll. "

Houston, we have a problem! Did he really just dismiss one of the greatest guitar players of the 70's? My mom, my sisters and I fell on the floor laughing. My husband, who has never been an Allman Brothers fan, and who was not there, would have been so proud. My dad on the other hand was determined to change their minds.

He didn't lecture, or even try to explain. Instead he made them watch Billy Preston do a mind-blowing organ-solo on Eric Clapton's "Have You Ever Loved a Woman". Yes, that's right. He made two five-year olds sit through the slowest song-build-up ever recorded on DVD. Lucky for my dad, 2 instrument solos and a smattering of lyrics later, the song managed to just barely pass their rigorous rock test.

Mission accomplished.

It was a classic moment, to say the least, one for the baby books, no doubt.

So today's video goes out to my boys and to my dad. I think I managed to find one that they both would approve of...

And you? What's on your list this Friday?

Pssssst...

2008-10-09T10:32:00.003-05:00

I'm still here!

Will return soon to regularly scheduled programming. Promise.

As soon as i figure out how to get out from underneath this rock.....

F.A.V. For The Squirrels

2008-10-03T09:00:00.002-05:00

Today's video goes out to the squirrels, whose talents with the saxophone are often under-appreciated.

And to George of course, the greatest Beatle, oh and to my children too, because they love this video as much as I did when I was a kid.

[I also think it eloquently summarizes my feelings about this election, but that's all I'm gonna say about that business...]

What video do you have your mind set on this here lovely little Friday?

As Political As I'm Gonna Get.

2008-10-02T19:38:00.004-05:00

[NSFW! I mean, if your work doesn't like 4-letter words, or Sarah Silverman taking off her bra.]

Cheerio...Cheerios

2008-10-02T13:26:00.005-05:00

My dear Cheerios,

I'm so over you.

I just can't take it anymore.

I loathe seeing you sitting around on the couch.

I abhor the way you manage to always adhere to the butt of all my pants.

I detest the sound of you hitting the floor and I despise the crunch of you under my feet.

I hate the way I think you're gone, and then there you are again, hanging out under the couch, behind the bookcase, in the bathroom, or driving a dump truck in the playroom.

You know what's coming. I'm kicking you out again. Banning you from breakfast.

The dust buster and I? We've had it. It's high time we took a break from your bran.

*sigh*

I try to act so tough, but you know in the end [or in a few weeks when we've had our fill of waffles] I'll always take you back. I just can't resist those honey nuts or those fruity tendencies [but the yogurt? gross] . Lucky for you I'm fickle, I tend to forget your irritating crunch under my feet and only remember your sweet aftertaste when faced with the prospect of getting a free race car in return.

O, my little o's, how I love to hate...

...and hate to love.

Just Another Terrifying Day in the Playroom

2008-09-30T15:38:00.004-05:00

Its hard out there for a Knight.

F.A.V. The College Rock Edition

2008-09-26T08:24:00.006-05:00

Another Friday already?

Then it MUST be time for another instillation of friday afternoon videos.

Today's choices are important. Integral. Sentimental. Instrumental.

And there's even a talking dolphin.

I'm pretty sure I have these guys to thank for my marriage, because had The Uplift Mofo Party Plan not been in my record collection in college, my future husband might have just took one look at all my Dave Matthews Band and Eric Clapton records and high-tailed it in the other direction.

And had he done that, well not only would I probably still be wearing birkenstocks clogs,over-sized courdory pants and an extra-large Eat A Peach shirt, but he would have taken my future best friend with him. And without the two of them - I would have never discovered music like this:

or this:

[too much David Cross...or too little?]

So in honor of my Aarons-Squared, I give you this:

And now I pass the torch on to you....what's your Friday Afternoon Video today?

Reason #372 Why Having Twins is Awesome

2008-09-25T13:12:00.004-05:00

The school photographer thinks that your two perfectly, OBVIOUSLY separate children, are in fact, just one child.

So much so that he only sent back pictures of one, thinking the other child's pictures, in an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT SWEATER VEST, were just extras. Which in turn, screwed up the entire class list, and every child behind mine in line was mislabeled.

Come now, sir, was it really that hard? Can you not tell the difference between a pennant flag and an American flag? Can you not see that only one of my children found your 'fat chicken' joke even remotely funny? Did you not notice that only one of them is expertly contorting his smile to conceal a spot where a tooth once was? Isn't the potato-head/tomato-head comparison blatantly obvious?

I'm just not sure I understand the confusion here. It only took me a measly two years to confidently determine just who was who.

So there. Mr. Photographer. I'm seriously considering NOT letting you rip me off with your over-priced picture packages. Thats right! You heard me! This whole snafu has definitely forced me onto the fence about handing over to you my currently-imaginary-semi-hard-earned moneys.

Oh and by the way...Hayden wants to know why Cash gets to be color and he has to be gray.

I'm leaving that one up to you.

Expect a call from my son in the AM.

And The Dance Party Continues...

2008-09-23T16:11:00.004-05:00

I let the boys go out alone with their Dad a few nights ago....

This is what happened when they came back. You might want to shield your eyes, the air guitar and drumming? It's on fire...

Going Down for A Dance Party from emily hartley on Vimeo.

And these dance moves? Pretty fierce. We could totally take over DanceTV.

Going solid gold with santogold from emily hartley on Vimeo.

F.A.V. !DANCE PARTY!

2008-09-19T08:16:00.005-05:00

I'm feeling like a little Dance Party today.

If the video you are about to watch doesn't make you tap your feet until they hurt or give you an itch in your booty to get up and shake it all over the house then I don't know what's wrong with you. You should probably go see a doctor. A beat doctor. Because this beat WILL INFECT YOU.

I don't want to muck up this here party with a lot of words, but I will tell you that my kids and I jammed out to this song in the car yesterday like you wouldn't believe. Oh if only you could have seen the dance moves. I mean, obviously mine were awesome, but my children? They put me to shame a million times over. They've come up with some new-generation robot moves that make the old ones look like square-dancing.

So without further ado, let the dancing begin...

I suggest you put on your groove shoes and keep this party going. If not for me, do it for you, for your children, your future children, your future grandchildren. DO IT FOR PHIL.

In Anticipation of Socialization

2008-09-18T10:25:00.003-05:00

Next Monday, there's an open house at the boy's school.

Actually it's an Ice Cream Social, since there's gonna be ice-cream and unsuspecting parents will be forced to socialize with one another.

I'm a little nervous. This is new territory.

It'll be the first time I meet the parents of friends my children chose, instead of the other way around, you know, making my kids be friends with my friend's kids.

So this is kind of a big deal. Well, for me at least.

What will I wear? What will I say? Will I still have this enormous zit on my face?

If I make a fool out of myself, I'm screwed. That's the beauty of public school. All these people live in my neighborhood.

So if I do or say something lame, like maybe going off on a tangent discussing the nutritional values of ham vs. spam, people will remember.

Every time they see me walking down the street they'll say 'Oh there goes that spammy weirdo. Hurry. Get all the kids in the house before she sees us'.

So help me out here. Make me feel better. Come over and help me pick out an outfit. Say a prayer that I'll remember to shower that day and hopefully only get a little ice cream on my shirt [not a prayer that I won't get anything on my shirt....because for that to be possible, it'd require some sort of divine intervention.] Do your part to save my children from utter embarrassment [well, at least for a little while].

And in return, i just might let you know how it all turns out. If its not too painful, that is.

To My Two Gray Hairs...

2008-09-15T21:11:00.009-05:00

Hi.

Nice to have you hair, uh, I mean here.

I thought your arrival would spawn a burning hate in my heart, but, eh. I have to admit, I kind of like you.

You're both spunky and wiry, and totally unruly. Who wouldn't want to spend all their time getting tangled up with you?

You don't show up every day, which is comforting and unnerving at the same time. How many of you are really hiding in there?

And just exactly how many friends have you invited to the party? Will they be showing up soon, or will these arrivals be staggered?

I need to know. I have to know how much punch to make. You know. Dark, shiny, permeating, permanent punch.

The two of you are on opposite sides of my head. Are you in cahoots? Or blissfully unaware of one another? I'd always kind of assumed you grew up together.

Is it possible you might be familiar with your next of kin? You know, that insanely large posse on my YOUNGER sister's head?

Oh, and was it me that brought you out, what with this whole 30th year of life deal?

Or was it my children? Always with the breaking and the tearing and the destroying, and the growing?

Hmmmm.

Somehow I get the feeling this is just the beginning, so maybe we should just get past all this 'getting to know you' business and just be friends already.

A little bonding, perhaps? Maybe a girls night? No painful plucking, I promise, but you do look like you could use a little makeover. Maybe some color on that pale little facade?

Think about it. Absorb it. Let me know.

Spell it out in the mirror or something. When you get long enough.

Just don't show up in my ear or on my chin, ok?

Your partner in condition,
Emily

P.S. In the mean time, would you mind telling everybody else up there to chill? Enough with the frizz already. There's a lot of you and you all want to be seen, I get it. Please, just wait your turn, you'll get your chance. The Great Tease is coming.

************

Everybody talks to their hair, right? RIGHT? Not just me?
If your hair would listen to you, just this once, what would you say?

Friday Afternoon Videos 9.12.08

2008-09-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

All week long I thought I had thought I had my Friday Afternoon video picked.

I was gonna pick AC/DC's " Let There Be Rock" accompanied by an impassioned rant about how iconic songs like that one shouldn't be allowed on video games like Rock Band and how its a shame that's the only way kids these days are discovering these classic tunes but then again maybe its not so bad because at least they're discovering it and it went on. and on. and on a little more.

But yesterday, during a period of successful procrastination, I was checking out what my husband was saying on twitter. [Because, you know, I don't like talking to him face to face, I'd rather use an impersonal social network to express my true feelings.]

He kept tweeting about The Lemonheads, and I thought to myself 'GAH! How annoying. He is so hung up on the Lemonheads lately. Every time I get into the car after him he's stuck " It's a Shame About Ray" into the stereo again. And frankly, its getting kind of old.' Yes, my friends these are the kinds of things I get angry about with my husband. It's not about dishes left in the sink, or clothes all over the floor, it's about albums, who's overplaying what, or who liked this song before everybody else did first.

Even though I was succeeding at feigning annoyance, I couldn't get the Lemonheads out of my, um, head. I woke up this morning feeling more vintage 90s and less vintage rock, like I'd originally planned.

So I searched them on the ol' YouTube, and oh my, at first chord, it all came rushing back. Mostly in the form of an extreme-hadn't-been-awoken-in-at-least-14-years Evan Dando crush, but still, you must admit, there wasn't a band like them before, and there hasn't been since. They just don't make 'em like this anymore.

The hard part was picking which song, but I finally settled on this one. It was one of my favorites, probably because in the mid 90's I was as obsessed with Evan Dando living happily ever after on the arm of Juliana Hatfield as I was with Natalie Merchant marrying Michael Stipe [which I now know was an impossible dream...].

And here's another. Because I couldn't resist. Old school crushes never die. Besides, this is Friday Afternoon VIDEOS, who says I can't post two?

How about you? How are you feeling today? 90's? 80s? 70's? 1963? What's your Friday Afternoon Video?

My First Day as A Suck-Up

2008-09-09T20:44:00.006-05:00

Today, I made a crucial first step in my life as a mother of school-aged children.

I volunteered in the classroom.

Yes, yes, I know. I've been dropping a lot of bombs lately, first I tell you that I'll be giving actual people, actual advice, and then I admit that I'm going to be helping to shape the minds of younglings as well. I know its all a little hard to handle, but bear with me will you, please?

I was nervous about this choice. I've heard the horror stories of letting your child's teacher know you were even remotely available. I've heard the complainants about 'that bossy room-mom' who keeps asking you to 'do stuff' or 'buy something'. But I've also heard the occasional success story, the rare mom who actually enjoyed volunteering, or appreciation from a teacher who was in need of a little help now and then.

I labored back and forth over the decision during the summer, worrying that I'd go from sleepy semi-slacker to super-over achiever in just a matter of months [beacause I thrive on both overreaction and over analyzing]. I had frightening daydreams about going from being that mom who just drops her kids off and runs, to being the mom that tackles you for fundraising before you even know what hit you.

But by the time school started I'd finally come around to the conclusion that it couldn't hurt to help out. I mean what could be so bad about getting to know my children's teacher, or their principal, or heck, even the lunch lady? After all, the school nurse claims to be a relative of Elvis, how could I possibly deny myself a relationship with her?

I told the boy's teacher during orientation that I was willing to volunteer, and she just about jumped out of her skin with excitement. I was relieved and felt so good about my decision that I somehow managed to also rope myself into designing the class t-shirt. I figured that way I couldn't complain about my kids coming home in some dopey school shirt. At least now I can say 'Hey, I designed that dopey school shirt'.

After weeks and months of deliberation & speculation, today, my first day as volunteer, finally rolled around. I was a bit anxious. Would I be loved? Hated? Ignored? Would I spill glue everywhere? Would I ever figure out what the heck a 'center' was?

I expected I would just be helping the teacher with her papers and things, maybe making copies or cranking out some die-cuts. But much to my surprise, I actually got to be her assistant. Sure, I did have to use a glue-stick, and yes, I did hand-address every child's report card, but I also helped teach one little girl how to write her name and I quizzed the whole class on their basic colors. I even had a little roll call. Can't you just imagine me having to call each kid up by name one by one to hang out with me? No? I couldn't either. I almost made myself laugh. Especially when I had to summon my own children.

The best part was joining all the kids for lunch. If you're looking to feel popular, or even pseudo-famous. I advise that you join a bunch of kindergartners for lunch. You've never felt such admiration. They'll bombard you with questions:

"How can you be a mommy?" Um, ask your mom.
"Where do you work?" When I answered 'at home' they all doubled over in laughter.
"Is my mommy going to pick me up at daycare?" Uh, I hope so?

And give you compliments!

"I love your hair!"

Okay, maybe that was the only compliment I got, but they did cheer when I came into the classroom. So there.

All this and I was still home by ten after eleven. There's nothing like a full meal, complete with rolls and mashed potatoes at 10:30 am, lemme tell ya. I drove home feeling stuffed and pleased I'd given up a few hours to hang out with a bunch of feisty five year olds.

In fact, it was all so much fun, I'm doing it all over again next Tuesday. And the Tuesday after that, and probably every Tuesday until the end of time, or um, the end of the school year.

So call me what you will, suck-up, brown-noser, or maybe just Sally. I'm sticking with volunteer. Just don't make me wear any bright orange. Please.

Here, There, Everywhere.

2008-09-08T10:26:00.005-05:00

Remember that time I went to DisneyWorld and never shut up about it?

Yeah, well my tirade is back. Just in case you want to re-live it all over again, or maybe you forgot to read it the first time, my well-researched, put-to-the-test snarky survival tips are up today at the newly remodeled Blissfully Domestic!

You'll find me over there from time to time in the Family Channel, dolling out advice. Yes, that's right, telling people how to do things. Based on my personal experience. Go ahead and laugh if you want, but I'd be careful if I were you. I just joined the PTO, which means i could totally be your Vice President in 12 years.

Friday Afternoon Videos

2008-09-05T12:09:00.001-05:00

Remember Friday Night Videos? Do you remember staying up late on Friday nights to try and catch the latest, coolest music videos?

Well I remember it. And I'm bringing it back. Except, uh, in the afternoon.

Because I miss videos. I miss staying up all night waiting for my favorite video to come on. I miss hovering over the record button on my VCR trying to get the best ones on tape. I miss shows like Headbangers Ball and 120 minutes.

I'd like to think I could keep this up, making it an every Friday kind of thing, yes? So consider this my first installment.
I think you should join in too, so feel free to link to your fave video in my comments or steal my little badge and do it on your own blog.

I'm gonna kick this thing off with a true classic. A standard in my house. I'm sure you won't be surprised when you see it.

I'll admit, I tried to pick something else, something more obscure, more hip maybe? But I just kept coming back to this one.
Because let's face it, they just don't make 'em like this anymore. What ever happened to the classic worn-out-sweaty-band on world tour documentary-esque video? Where'd all that hairspray go? More importantly, whatever happened to those sequined dusters?

Yep. You're making fun of me on the surface [probably because you know I still pay to see this band in concert], but you know you were singing along. You know you got a little giggly when Jon came on screen.

Now it's your turn....what's your Friday Afternoon Video?

Things I Learned in Space

2008-09-04T23:22:00.006-05:00

For their birthday, we took the boys on a trip to the unknown. I learned some very important things. Like...

...or excuse me, the "waste paper".

that is of course, as long as they can actually reach the controls.

otherwise things might get a little toasty.

not cheese. duh.

yeah, that whole no gravity thing? it's a lie.

And So Goes My RollerCoaster Ride

2008-09-03T10:02:00.013-05:00

A week ago my kids turned five.

2 weeks ago they started school.

Considering I am usually quite the emotional mamajama [I've cried at Kill Bill, you know], these milestones did not affect me the way I thought they might. I had originally imagined that the first day of school would be bad, really bad. I just knew the ugly cry would come out, snot and all, and I'd be forced to wipe my nose on the teacher's shoulder as she tried to comfort me.

I'd thought their birthday would send me into a downward spiral, one in which I might actually long for the return of pacies and diapers. Instead, that first day was downright giddy, and I actually felt comfort and relaxation, [relief even!] as we left them in their classroom. And on their birthday [and the subsequent birthday week], I was full of enthusiasm and pride .

Until last Friday, of course.

Last Friday was one of the first days in which we had to drop off the boys in the car line [the first week, you walk your child[ren] into school]. I hadn't really thought much about the difference, other than a few days worth of preparing the boys for the task of walking to class by themselves.

When we pulled into the school parking lot that morning, I was a little nervous, expecting some sort of "No way am I getting out of this car alone" sort of scenario, possibly with screaming, and maybe a kick or two. I held my breath and closed one eye [because that what everybody does, right?] as the door opened.

Much to my surprise, it was silent, except for the shuffling of backpacks, as the boys jumped right out without so much as a wink or a wave.

I have to admit I was impressed. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw next in the rear view mirror.

There they were. My two boys. Walking confidently across the school parking lot towards the door. Looking so astute, so self-sufficient and self-assured with every step. Oh, the horror of it all!

It hit me all at once, crashing into me with the blunt force of a homework folder. I have five year olds!! They go to school every day!! Who am I and who's life is this?? Did i remember to turn off the faucet after brushing my teeth??

My little mommy heart broke into a million pieces.

I watched until I couldn't see them anymore. Feeling like maybe they'd turn around and run my way, or maybe, at least throw up a goodbye or something. Anything. But I got nothing.

Except heartbreak.
Whiny, self-pitying, snotty, lump in my throat, mommy's getting left behind heartbreak.

How could they? Leaving me home alone to actually finish a cup of coffee and take an uninterrupted shower? How could they be so heartless to let me put my clothes on without having to referee a fight pantsless, in the middle of getting dressed? Or God forbid, how dare they leave me alone with enough time to actually get some work done?

And all of this while they trot off and get an education? Getting smarter with every passing minute? Making me enjoy each day with them more than I ever have before?

Yeah. My life totally sucks.

Obi-Wanna Be My Man?

2008-08-28T21:14:00.005-05:00

My husband came home the other day with a new haircut.
Maybe it's just Storm-Trooper overload, or a deluge of Darth going on in my house.....

But it kinda feels like Obi-Wan just moved in.

Who [or what...] does your significant other remind you of?

F I V E

2008-08-27T10:29:00.006-05:00

I woke up this morning, and realized I suddenly had five year olds.

No more babies, no more toddlers, no more preschoolers.

I have KIDS now. Actual children. Little men. Little people, with attitudes, opinions, favorite songs.

Little guys who go to school every day, all day long. Who return to me each afternoon reciting new rules and new words, beaming over new teachers and new friends

Little boys obsessed with the girl next door [or at least her trampoline...] "When is she going to come outside?", "Can we go knock on her door?" " Do you think she's eating right now or sleeping?"

Little boys that I love, who's kisses and laughter and wry compliments I cherish.

Its been said before, and will be said again, but how did we get here so fast?

Somedays I want to slow down this journey we're on, but most of time I'd rather keep going, watching their hands hang out the window, and their hair blow in the wind.

So here's to my boys on their birthday....and here's to growin' up.

[and here's to your mom hopefully being able to make it the next 10 minutes without having to reference Springsteen...soon I'm going to have to change this blog title to 'emilytheobsessed'.]

How I Almost Lost My Husband to Springsteen

2008-08-26T10:08:00.005-05:00

*! thanks, LTC, for the power cord !*

One of the things I love most about my husband is his love for music, his love for seeing it live and his love for taking me with him.

We've seen some good shows together, the two of us.

Especially if you don't count that one time we accidentally saw Nickelback [Or if you ask my husband, that one time we accidentally saw Jack Johnson].

Last Thursday night was another one for the records books.

Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band just happened to be rolling through town, and you know when they come to town, you can't just stay home. You MUST go.

Even if you did just see them in April. Or even if you're supposed to be living on some sort of so-called 'budget'. I mean who cares if you have to eat hot dogs every day for a month - your seats were awesome!

So...

We went.

And of course, it was nothing short of amazing. Like getting your faced ripped off, put back on, ripped off once more, and totally enjoying it.

I knew my husband felt the same way. I hate to get all mushy on you, but watching him rock out was terribly romantic. There's nothing like sharing live music with the ones you love. It elevates the entire experience. Unless of course, your loved one decides to go all self-destructive on you, like mine did:

During the "Murder, Inc. / She's The One / Promised Land" trifecta:
Me: " Man, 58 looks good on Bruce"
Aaron: "I could jump right off this balcony and be happy"

After the "I Walk the Line / I'm On Fire" Medley:
Me: "Bruce sure looks sweaty, can't he just take that shirt off?"
Aaron: "I could die right here."

Following "Thunder Road" and "Born to Run" back to back, at the beginning of a seven song encore:
Me: " Tramps like us...yes. I'll be a tramp for you Bruce!"
Aaron: " I'm going to die a happy man! "

I have to admit, I was getting a little worried. I mean, yes, this concert was better than I could have ever imagined, with a set list that just kept slapping me in the face, but was I prepared to lose my husband over it? Um, not really. Unless it got me backstage.

And then, just when I thought I was safe, I hear Bruce start talking about Joe Strummer, mentioning that is was his birthday that night.

Oh no, I thought. Not the Clash. Please. Don't. Not tonight. I wanna go home with a husband still intact.

But sure enough - he tore right into "I Fought the Law". Big deal, you're thinking, I know. But you gotta understand. This song is my husband's song. It's his life. Its his story, his anthem.

His ringtone.

He took one gleeful look at me and said " That's it. I'm going! " as he held onto the railing. All I could think was 'The children! Think of the children!' But I was too busy dancing to say anything. So I just shimmied over in front of him.

My moves must have been good - smokin' I'm sure - because he never did jump. And thank God he didn't. Because he would have missed "Rosalita". And I forgot where we parked.

More Blinding Proof of My Genuis

2008-08-24T21:09:00.006-05:00

I've written this highly entertaining blog.

It's good. It has comedy, drama, suspense and Springsteen all wrapped into one riveting masterpiece.

As I typed, I laughed out loud while the the words flowed from my fingers. I cried as the story took shape. I beamed with pride when it was finished.

Then, I let the battery on my computer slowly die out.

And left my power adapter in another state.

So I'm afraid you'll just have to wait. And I know its going to be hard.

Its going to be rough, and its going to feel like its taking forever, but just relax.

Run out and get yourself a coffee or do a little shopping. Maybe stop at your local library; they lend out real books there you know. And while you're at it - swing by the Apple store and get me a new adapter, will ya? Think of it as your good deed for the week. You'd be helping all of us, not just yourself.

Call me when you're on your way, k?

You Eat What You Type or The Obligatory First Day of School Blog

2008-08-18T09:31:00.007-05:00

Last night I started to type out this blog about how I was so excited about the boys starting school today.

I waxed all poetic-like about how I was being so selfless for not being depressed. I went on and on about how I was doing such an amazing favor to my children by making this whole experience all about them, instead of all about me.

Gee, what a good mother I am, I raved, teaching my kids how to focus on the present and not get caught up in the past or be intimidated by what the future holds. I gushed about how my kids were going to excel from here on out thanks to my fantastic attitude this morning on this very first day of school.

And then I went to bed. Shut my laptop, climbed the stairs and fell right to sleep.

Did I pack their backpacks full of all the brand new school supplies they needed for today? No.

Did I reread the drop-off instructions so I wouldn't have to search for them the next morning? Nah.

Did I bake the muffins and make the orange juice they requested for their first day breakfast? Nope.

Did I at least go to bed early, so waking up @ 5:45 AM to do all the above things wouldn't be so difficult? Of course not! After all it was midnight and dangit, I was tired!

Wow, I am good. Definitely, completely, selfless. So not 'all about me'.

I was so proud ~~of me~~ of my kids that I didn't even cry. Well, at least not until I got home and realized I was all out of laundry detergent.

We still love our mommy, regardless of how much she loves herself...

Wardrobe Woes

2008-08-13T21:06:00.006-05:00

Tuesday I took the boys to be screened for Kindergarten Readiness [school speak for super-preK].
They were lucky enough to be screened by the teacher they'll start school with next week in the classroom they'll be in all year long.

They went in shy and a little apprehensive, and came out talkative and completely excited, visibly jazzed about the prospects of higher education.

As I signed the last few official pieces of paperwork, their teacher began to quiz me on how to tell them apart from each other. I gave her the usual rundown, "Hayden's face is long, Cash's is round, Hayden has a cowlick, Cash has a birthmark" while assuring her that before long she'll have no problem telling them apart, unless, of course, she's standing behind them.

She laughed, and then went on to express her gratitude that I did not dress them alike.

And then it hit me, all at once, like an overstuffed backpack landing on my head as I creaked open the imaginary locker door of my doomed reality.

My kids are about to start school 5 days a week, 6 hours a day.

Its going to be emotional. Our lives our going to change. And yes, I'm going to miss them. Of course I'm going to miss them. I'll miss them just like I'd miss my arms if they left me all day long to become smarter then they ever would staying at home attached to my shoulders.

But, OMG. What I'm really freaking out about?

I'm going to have to dress them.

Differently.

Every day of the week.

I'm going to actually have to use my brain when I walk into the closet.

I'm going to have treat my kids like the actual individuals they are, and dress them as if they were separate entities, instead of some adorable little freak show.

I'm going to have to like, plan ahead or something.

All this on top of getting them up unfortunately early AND making sure they're fed. And let's not even get started on that whole "Be on time, when on time is 7:30 AAAAAAAMMMMMMM" thing.

Woe. Is. Me.

Where's a uniform when I need one?

The Tooth Is A Metaphor

2008-08-11T15:08:00.005-05:00

Over vacation a few weeks ago, my son Hayden lost his tooth.

One morning he simply announced "My tooth is loose!" and by lunch time, that little sucker was out of his mouth and stuck in the side of a burger.

He was ecstatic.
His brother was terrified: 'I'm never going to eat again'.
And me, I was depressed.

A tooth gone already?

Why this? Why now? WHY ME?

With our first taste of full-time school just around the corner for both my babies the last thing I needed was another reminder of how fast they were growing up. Let alone a reminder that was going to stare me in the face every dang day for the next few weeks or even months, as if to say " Today, Pre-k, Tomorrow, PRE-MED!" [or pre-backpacking across Europe, whatever you want, my children, just remember whose womb from whence you came...]

Not only was I in shock, but I was horrifically unprepared for such a milestone. In a matter of moments I went from agonizing over which arm to put sunscreen on first to OMG? The tooth fairy? Do we do the tooth fairy? Do boys even like fairies or does it need to be a giant tooth truck? How much money is this going to cost me? Do I even have any cash? Am I going to have to leave an IOU?

I'll admit, I still thought I had a least a good year before we got into the tooth business. But no. Of course, not. How silly of me to assume so. I mean, I should really know better, because it was just like that time I thought I was just going to have one baby.....and then found out there was two.

Later that night, we wrote the tooth fairy a note and slipped Hayden's tooth under the pillow. As the three of us [Hayden, Cash & I] giggled over my totally awesome tooth caricatures, I slowly started to get to get over it.

After all, it was high time I learned to revel in the fact that we'd all made it to such a milestone in one piece [if you're not counting the tooth] instead of whining about getting left in the dust by my own children. Why not throw on a party hat, pour a sippy cup on the sidewalk, and celebrate how far we've come! I'm so ready to quit wasting time mourning me.

Even though it was kind of sad the tooth fairy had to borrow a dollar from her mother-in-law.

This Blog Was Supposed To Be About Lollapalooza

2008-08-06T21:53:00.001-05:00

Growing up, I ALWAYS wanted to be with the band. I think it started somewhere around oh, I don't know, here?

I loved music [yes, I know, Poison doesn't really count as music, but that's a whole other blog, ok? Leave me alone. But, please. Keep reading], l lived music, and I wanted to be music. I wasn't very musically inclined as far as actually playing something or singing [even though I TOTALLY am now ], so like any, um, respectable young woman, I simply switched aspirations from band member to band groupie. Yes. How intelligent of me.

I soon discovered, however, that fulfilling such a dream 'job' required a lot of primping, not a lot of clothing, and a lot of backstage passes. And frankly, I was just a little too lazy to accomplish such a feat. It was the early 90's after all, when my most awesome outfit was an over sized t-shirt with a eco-conscious drawing of a fish tied to a baby chick, a pair of unflattering baggy jeans and some purple Chucks. Always worn with pigtails and gloriously unplucked eyebrows too. Add to that the fact that my mom usually refused to drive me to most of the concerts I wanted to go to and things start to look pretty pathetic.

Fast forward with me if you please to me meeting my husband. Fast forward even further to my husband starting his own record label and management company . Fast forward just one more time to me finally coming to the conclusion its a just whole lot easier to marry someone in the music business then to even begin to attempt trying my hand at throwing myself at musicians. After all, I still get just as many backstage passes AND I get to keep my clothes on. Well, sort-of, um. nevermind.

So yeah, where the hell was I going with this story? Oh yes. That's right. This past weekend.

We spent this past weekend in Chicago with these guys at this festival. A grand time was had by all and many great bands were seen.

But my entire life [and the point of the first three paragraphs} came full circle in one shining moment, when, as I was totally engrossed in my green beans, mashed potatoes and virtually unchewable piece of meat, SLASH walked right by. To say I nearly choked is an understatement. I sprinted, actually [which has nothing to do with choking, but whatever] almost knocking over my husband, and the two hot coffees he was carrying. He says I then yelled something incomprehensible that went something like "OMGZOMGOMFGsquealscreechsquealSLASH!!!!!"; after which I completely froze in excitement as I watched he and his family climb into their car. Yes, thats right, there he goes and there he went, and I didn't even touch him. Or even tell him to pass on to Duff that I said hi.

*Sigh* I'm ok with that, though. Merely breathing the same air, or eating the same catered food, or sharing the same names of our children is good enough for me.

So yeah, that's where I was going with this story. Slash. SLASH.

My grandkids will be hearing about this one. But I'm sure by then the story we have evolved into the two of us having tea together. Because that totally would have happened...

Today Was a Good Hair Day

2008-08-05T23:04:00.004-05:00

My children got a haircut today.

And for the first time, I didn't freak.

I didn't pass out.

I didn't hyperventilate.

I didn't throw a tantrum.

I didn't even place a voodoo curse over the stylist after I returned home.

Instead, I tipped her.

Can you imagine? Me?

The same mom who used to shed a tear with every strand of hair that fell to the floor? The same mom who would spend weeks researching haircuts, salons and stylists? The same mom who still cringes, just a little, whenever she hears the familiar click and whirr of the razor?

Yes, its true. It's really me. Be proud, dear reader[s]. I've turned a really big corner.

Or maybe rolled a really big roller? No. That's not even funny....

If Its Broken, Deny It. Blame it on Rocky the Raccoon.

2008-07-31T14:59:00.003-05:00

A curious thing is happening at my house.

Paint is peeling.

Objects are breaking at random.

Spills are materializing.

It's coming out of nowhere.

Who's doing these things to me?

I can only imagine. I've begun to think it must be some sort of ghost. A ghost on a rather irritating journey of destruction, determined to undermine all of my housework [notice how I said all, as if to imply that I do a lot of housework]. Perhaps its a kind of retribution? Bad cleaning karma? Revenge brought on by some raccoon who swallowed the gum I threw out the window? Or some bird who choked on that balloon I let fly?

Must be. Because it's certainly not my children doing these things. Not those beautiful, squeaky-clean, well mannered, selfless, honest little life specimens. Of course not. I can't imagine doing such things [and then lying about said things' exsistence] would even cross their minds.

Nope. Not my kids.

*ahem*

Me: Where did that spill come from?
Dearest Children: I don't know.
Me: Well it must have come from somewhere.
Statement greeted with silence and then....
Hayden: I might have spilled my Vitamin water....

.....

Aaron [also known as my husband, dad, guy with a beard]: Did you guys peel that paint off the wall?
Me [to Aaron]: But I thought you did that.
Aaron: Uh, no. I didn't.
Me: But I asked them about it earlier and they clearly said no, it wasn't them. And I, uh, believed it.
Both parents shoot disapproving looks in the general direction of children.

Cash: Uh. We did it with a screwdriver?
Hayden: Yeah. Standing on top of here [points to skinny corner edge on the top bunk of their bunk beds].

Me: Sighs in disbelief. Faints from betrayal.

.....

Me: Hayden, I noticed my beloved [hideous green & white ceramic] frog upstairs was missing a piece of its mouth. Do you know how that happened?
Hayden: No.
Me: Really? You know you can tell me these things...I won't get mad.
Hayden: Well, Ithrewmytruckandithititanditbrokeanditwasanaccident.
Me: Now that's more like it.

See what I mean? The whole ghost explanation was way more interesting.

Now, please feel free to make me feel better by admitting there's a wandering little ghost with sticky fingerprints and muddy shoes destroying your house too? PLEASE???

Everything I Ever Wanted to Know I Learned On Vacation

2008-07-28T21:09:00.014-05:00

1. Be prepared for anything. Because anything will happen. Like your son announcing a loose tooth [the first one, mind you] at breakfast that was out of his mouth by lunch.

2. Always do the opposite of what you actually want. This year I threw caution to the wind and decided I could care less about getting a tan. The result? Best. Tan. Ever. Not that I care of course, except that I'm totally going to cry when its gone.

3. Fudpuckers is never a good idea [with 5 kids in tow]. I don't care if they do have alligators. It's not even a good name.

4. If your kids don't like to go underwater, by all means, buy them some superhero goggles. Apparently, the idea of being able to actually see what you are swimming into makes a huge difference.

5. Don't paint your house, then leave on vacation. Because the mess you left + the mess you bring home with you = gross. Paint chips AND sand? Dustbuster don't fail me now.

6. When you're 4, the ocean gets old. Quickly. Well, at least it does if you're my kids.

7. Keep your bangs trimmed. Or they'll get in your face while your kids are looking cute.

8. Don't put Crocs [or their imitators] in the dryer.

9. Remember when your parents told you to stay away from [electrical] outlets? Well that same rule should also apply to outlet malls. Just because you're on vacation doesn't mean your budget is too.

10. It takes hours to catch a fish using just a net while standing in the surf. Hours, I tell you.

And then, when you're definitely not looking. Some little minnow will just 'show up'.

11. Forget the tantrums, remember the good stuff, and always, always, do your best to just sit back and enjoy it. And while you're at it, lay off that shutter button on the camera, because it takes a while to upload all 417 of those pictures...

Vacation. Update. Sort-Of. Not really.

2008-07-24T08:22:00.006-05:00

I had this grand idea.

I'd regularly update you on my vacation with beachy little tidbits, funny anecdotes and pictures by the sea.

I was going to be so on top of it. Captivating you with tales of minnow-fishing and outlet-bargaining, with the amusing photographs to prove it.

But seriously. Who am I kidding?

I'M ON VACATION.

It's not like I get on here every night, just bursting with witty observations that I just can't bear to keep to myself...

It's more like every night I'm stuffing my face, spending money I don't have, frying myself to an attractive crisp, desperately trying to get my kids to pose for a picture on the beach JUST ONCE with out making a peace sign and wiling away the hours making fun of all the rich rednecks in their ill-fitting Juicy bikinis while I re-adjusting my children's goggles for the 453rd time.

Obviously, the fun and excitement has been so overwhelming, I almost forgot my laptop even came with us. I mean she refuses to step foot on the beach for fear of getting sand in her 'precious keyboard', and won't even lay out by the pool because she's paranoid of being splashed, so how could I possibly even be expected to spend time with her?

Alas, the end is near [and thankfully, because I think we're only seconds away from imploding due to cousin overload]. I shall return, and believe me, you'll hear all about it.

Blame It on the Fumes?

2008-07-21T00:19:00.005-05:00

What happened to me last week? I started off all strong, you know with no meddling kids and all around and then......silence.

Its almost like I feel of the face of the earth. Or maybe teetered over the edge of the blogosphere.

Truth is, I fell into a paint can.

I did what any good mother would do without her kids around for a whole week. You know, take on a massive decorating project that would drastically improve my kid's rooms while simultaneously creating one mother of a mess in the rest of the house. In other words, I decided to paint their bedroom, and just for kicks, I threw in the playroom too.

It was like a party with paint. My friend Stacy even drove all the way down from Cincy to lend a hand, and even my husband pitched in...

[my apologies to Angel, who helped me so much, I forgot to take her picture]

I'd post you before and afters, but frankly, its not really done yet. And my befores, well they're really more like durings, because, you know, I kind of forgot all about documenting this amazing transformation.

Also, I retired my paint roller over the weekend and somehow ended up here:

and now that the sun and sand are within my reach, well, I'm starting to feel a little lazy...so, bummer. I guess you'll just have wait. In the meantime...tell me how you're doing.What would you do without your kids for a week?

Lets Add Another Entry to my Shopping Files...

2008-07-15T09:44:00.010-05:00

Well I guess this is technically the first entry, but whatever...moving on...

I did the unthinkable this weekend.

I actually purchased clothes at Anthropologie.

Yes, I know. How insane!

No more crying over the catalog, or empty-handed window shopping [well, at least this time around].

My first item was the most awesome, most comfortable pair of wide leg pants ever. It was love at first sight, though I'll admit i did get a little nervous when I saw a woman in full-footed leopard print clogs eyeing them as well. But what the hell - they are the perfect summer pants, the perfect beach attire, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to stop myself from wearing them every damn day, all damn year.

Hey, do these go with my hot pink bedazzled halter? Of course.
What about this sheer orange turtleneck? Why not?
[ridiculous items of clothing exaggerated for humorous effect]

I tried my best to get a real life picture of me wearing them, but it just didn't do them justice, they just look like glorified jammie pants, which um, I guess they are.

Secondly, I snatched up something I'd swooned over in the catalog months ago:

Yes, that is an AUTHENTIC Bon Jovi mirror in the background

I believe its the first wrap dress i have ever owned, and I think I need like, oh, maybe a hundred more. Somebody call Diane Von Furstenberg for me. NOW.

The coolest thing about this little shopping excursion was the itty-bitty bag the preferred shoppers card came in. You can expect I'll probably sign up at least fifty more times, just so I can get fifty more. And don't even get me started on the instruction card that came with it. This graphic designer is jealous.

Yes, I know I could probably sew this myself, but c'mon now, thats beside the point.

Before I get a little too amorous about the anthro, I'll switch gears. Because maybe you haven't noticed, but I totally smell better than usual. That's right. Thirty years old and I finally bought my first real bottle of perfume. Or more like i spent a lot of money [birthday money, of course] on a fancy bottle with a spit and a half's worth of flowery liquid in it. Call it a waste or call it a good investment, any way you look at it, there has been a significant drop in the number of people running in the other direction after they catch a whiff of me.

Better than deodorant? Not quite. But definitely prettier. More fun to spray.

It should be noted that each of these purchases was way out of the ordinary for me and my wallet and were only made possible by the generousity of others, you can fully expect that my next entry we be right back down to Target, Old Navy, Forever 21 and Goodwill. Unless, of course, I get lucky.

Enough about me though, what have you bought, or not bought, lately?

In Case You Didn't Know.

2008-07-14T09:27:00.005-05:00

I don't have any kids for an ENTIRE WEEK..

Yes, I know I'm lucky and no, I'm not get anything done.

I woke up this morning to no whimpers, no requests, and no idea what to do.

I sort of wandered around a little bit like a lost puppy missing two 3-foot tall dictators, and then I remembered.

!I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS FOR A WEEK! Oh hell yes.

So instead of making myself breakfast, I got in the car, which, oh my god, took me like, all of A MINUTE, and I put the key in the ignition -WITHOUT having to locate superman on his cape first- and then I drove -QUIETLY- to Starbucks, where I bought myself breakfast AND coffee without having to spend forty dollars because I also had to buy two cookies and two chocolate milks - oh wait, I meant ORGANIC chocolate milks.

After that, I went shopping, where the only person I had to worry about getting hit by a car in the parking lot was me and I was able to browse from rack to rack without losing anyone amidst the clearance clothing, which by the way, were far too expensive to be considered clearance.

Because I concocted some insane idea last week that I would try and paint my children's room and maybe even their playroom while they were gone I then when paint chip shopping, which I totally suck at doing alone. I lost myself in all those pretty little chips and had to take my husband back later to shock me into making an actual decision. He has this uncanny way of making it seem like the answer was under my nose the whole time, and good lord, could I just stop thinking about it so hard and just pick something?

Later on that evening, we had a relaxing dinner, where I was able to eat all my food without having to get up once and my husband tried to keep things lively by yelling out at random ghost children. To top it all off, we then went out for ice cream, where ironically, I was the one who fell off the curb into the parking lot, almost knocking over an elderly couple.

*Sigh*

I guess I really do miss my kids...

The SeerSucker Experiment was a Success.

2008-07-10T20:49:00.011-05:00

I was going to write you a post all about my trip home. You know, all about how that girl threw up on me at Tom Petty. And about how we took the boys to Kings Island for the first time

and Hayden threw up his Smurf ice cream.

I was even going to fill you in on how my husband I and expertly pulled off the Mr. & Mrs. Preppy Go To Town look at my cousin's wedding. see? totally preppy. and we're moving so, were totally going...somewhere.
Or how it came about that our fireworks display ended up lasting three nights long.

Or maybe you'd love to know that we spent our sixth wedding anniversary at IKEA, and yes, it was totally romantic, just look.
Or wait - I'd bet you'd really enjoy a detailed discussion on all the ridiculous spots my kids ended up getting bug bites - see above ice cream picture for evidence. Or how about the moment when Cash did a twenty minute air-guitar solo performance - with a roman candle- to Jimi Hendrix, wherein I realized I'd never exposed him to Jimi before, and crap. I should have done it a long time ago.

Yeah, I was going to tell you all about it. But then I figured, eh. Might as well just show you.